play along

have you ever felt llike you were just playing along in your own life just to get through? sometimes i feel
like that. that i am just going through the motions, that everyone else is saying and doing what they want and i am just doing and saying what is expected of me.

how do you break away from that? it is one of the things i struggle with because it is easier for me to help everyone else be happy instead of myself. it is easier to say the things that i know they want to hear rather than say the truth.

i have been looking at apartments and have even found myself alittle excited. i have never lived on my own before and tho i know it will not always be exciting or eay, it will be different and maybe i wont feel the pressure to pretend so much anymore. and i wont be scared.

so friends, how have you been? i have been reading all your blogs to catch up and i admit i haven't been as good with the comments simply because i just want to see how you have all been:) i love you all.......

so here i am

so i figured if I am gonna have a blog, and be a little faithful to it, i will need to write more than one post per month.

the problem is, i don't really know what to write about. I mean i have a ton of stuff going on, as ia m sure you can assume from my last post. and yet it seems so jumbled i fear putting it into words here, i don't want to sound nuts or even worse.......whiny.

i applied for a new unit and am anxiously waiting to hear if i got the job or not. it would take off some of the stress that this current postion gives me. keep your fingers crossed, i feel the interview went well, but that was a week ago already.

little man is doing great, my mom is teaching him school now and that has been a tremendous thing for many reasons. you may remember my mom and i dont have the best relationship, but her and my son are two peas in a pod and when she offered to do it, i was overjoyed. he has learned more in the past two months than i have taught him alll year. and he loves the time with her. and she loves the time with him. she says she has a reason to get up now, and i get to see her and we are working on it, ya know?

the other stuff, well its just too much for now. but thankyou for coming back.

i admit it, i'm a slacker

so i know i have been mia for quite a while and i so very much appreciate you all thinkin gof me and wondering where i've been. i guess since i made my blog private, i have kinda slacked off. i'm not really too sure why, just that there have been so many things going on and tho no one but us is reading anymore I am still scared to share.
why would i be scared? i guess because if my husband reads it he will be mad. or because maybe you will all see how crazy i really am. or because it is painful to share. or well hell i don't know the list goes on and on.
so anyway, i will probably keep this short, partly because i don't wish to drag it out and partly because my patient is confused and i am still laughing at something he told me, and i need to tend to him.
i have taken off my wedding rings. i plan to move out in february. i am sad and confused and lonely and hurt and I know that my husband is all of those things too. I have been going thru therapy and hoping that he will get some help as well. that is why i have been absent. the end

now, on a lighter note.....
did you know that if it is 3 o'clock here, than it is 4 o'clock in korea and the surrounding areas. and that upstairs is 1-1-4 and don't get screwed out of your meals. now if you will kindly bring 4 cups of water and 2 cups of coffee, they can be reheated as we go along. the system is hard, so we aren't going to start over. and we aren't going over the head of this gentleman here because it is through no fault of his own that i am getting screwed out of my meals from 1-1-4.

at least that is what my patient told me.