Wednesday, September 30, 2009

oh i knew so much when i was little

So, i am alive. i survived the diet and i have lived to tell about it. I lost 10 pounds and one week later have gained back three. i guess i expected it, water weight and all, so i am happy. except it was an entire wasted week spent praying for the end of the day, each and every day. now i am eating healthier though, which isn't a bad outcome....

so anyway, i have been consumed with school, and i guess that isn't getting any better, maybe i better get used to it....

and i had a big meeting with the boss, one on one today. I feel like i was honest, and he was honest. so ok. i still have a job, and i am gonna hang in there for now...

and i am getting a nicotine patch tonight. yes ladies, i want to quit smoking and i guess there is no better time. so from diet to no cigarettes i am a glutton for punishment. and by the way, if i ever talk about doing that diet again, remind me for the love of god...


so, aside from all that boringness, have you ever opened your mouth, onlyl to find your foot firmly lodged in it?
there have been many times when my big fat mouth got me into trouble as a child. oh how i wish i still had that abillity to say whatever i wanted to whenever i needed to.

my birthday is may28th. it often falls somewhere on the memorial day weekend. so it is the unofficial start of summer. i have always know this.

pools open, people start going on vacation. it used to be that school was nearing an end, i guess not so much anymore, but used to be.

so like i said, i always knew my birthday represented the unofficial start of summer.

emphasis on the unofficial. which my mom kinda forgot to mention.

so i was playing with some other little girls from the apartment complex. all nice like on the front steps, back when you could go outside and play at the age of 6 and not worry about getting stolen by some pervert. your mom would call your name every now and then and as long as you answered you were good.

so anyway, some how we got to talking about the impending arrival of summer and this girl who was a year or two older than me said summer starts june 21st.

i was aghast. um, no dumbass it starts may 28th.

she informed me of my error and let me know in fact it started june21st.

i started yelling at her.

"no! my mom told me summer starts at my birthday and my birthday is may 28th!"

"no jineen, your birthday is a whole month before summer! you DO NOT have a summer birthday so hah!"

i burst into tears and ran into the house to seek assurance from my mother that i was in fact right, as usual.

guess what?

my birthday is that unofficial start of summer.

real summer starts june 21st.

please educate your may babies.

Monday, September 21, 2009


if i had a million dollars, i would say no thankyou. just a cheeseburger form the mcdonalds dollar menu please.

oh for the love of all things greasy, salty, tasty, yummy....well you get the idea.

i am at the end of day four and after eating three rather large bananas, if i ever see one again i am going to squish it into nonexistance in my fist.

i have drunk 4 glasses of fat free organic milk. loved that part.

i have had water and plain old non sweetened tea.

and now i want to go to bed and never think about it again.

i guess the whole point is to shrink my stomach and learn better portion control. oh yeah and clean myself out. which i have done.

four times over.

no weigh in tonight. i am home and would rather wait to use the same scale in the gym at work.

and i am doing homework. ugh.

starting school and a diet so close together, what a genius.

only 3 days left.

thank God.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


ok, maybe i am exaggerating....slightly.

so i am right in the middle of day three of this oh so fabulous new way to torture myself. yesterday was all veggie day. i woke up pissy. not literally or anything, but just irritated. i am sure it had to do with eating all fruits the day before and then hitting the gym in the morning.

So i woke up mad. and i got more and more irritated. i had to come into work and when i got here things were not as they should be, i tried to fix it and was cut short. which just made me cry. because lets face it when you are tired and hungry and not having your way, you cry. well at least i do anyway.

so by the time i got to work i was shaking and i knew my sugar had to be pretty low. on this diet you are allowed one small glass of juice, which i was saving, however i drank it and took some tylenol. after about an hour i perked up, much to the relief of my co-workers. and probably y patients.

i weighed in at 216.8 lbs, so that made me happy.

i ate carrots and broccoli and drank water. i was so busy at work i didn't even have time to eat at work. so i missed my beautiful baked potato. i made myself go to the gym and work it out, which i felt satisfied. then when i got home, it was pure

i ate my potato which was probably one of the best things ever consumed by me:) it was creamy and fabulous. i went to bed full and happy.

i woke up tonight and felt ok, no shakiness, which is good because there is no fruit juice as an option. i am raring to go knowing that the worst three days are almost over.

2 last things to mention:

i haven't crapped yet, which i find alittle odd, however since i am burning off more than i am taking in i guess i'm not worried yet,

and i weighed in tonight at: 214.1

i know, i know, mostly water weight, but hey, i'm not complainin"

if i can only make it through tonight, i am in the home stretch:)

Friday, September 18, 2009

i am alive, sort of....

ok, maybe i am being a bit dramatic, but i am allowed, i think i have consumed maybe 400-500 calories today and ran 2.5 miles at the gym, did 1 hours of school with the little guy and worked a 12 hour shift.

i am so dead tired, as soon as i finish this, i am going to dive into my bed and love my pillow like no one's business.

day one of the diet is done, all fruits, water, oh so yummy cabbage soup ( in that bland, barely tasting, will i be able to digest this? kind of yummy way)

6 more to go.

i weighed in at 218.5 pounds.

those are the facts and i wish i had more enoergy to put something funny in there, but i'm pooped.

speaking of which, i did let one of my favorite co-workers know, in advance fo rher sake, that this cabbage soup thing may not be so pleasant for her either come tonight when i really do start to digest.

at least i can take some joy out of the fact that instead of the patients being the stinky ones, it may just be me:)

why am i so sick and twisted?

oh, yeah, because i want a stromboli:)

keep your fingers crossed for me, tonight will start all veggies, soup and one baked potato, which i will try and save until 4 or 5 am (which is towards the end of my day) instead of scarfing it down while i am still taking my morning pee:)

i think i can, i think i can......

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i'm sure you've heard of this one....

so in a few short hours the torture will begin, ladies and let me tell you it is all i can think about.

isn't that a fun way to start a post?

so i am doing this cleanse diet thing. i hate diets, and well really anything that limits my intake of food. of course since hubby and i got serious about healthy eating last november, i have been more careful about what i put in my body, i still love food.

but i need a metabolism jump start. i have hit a plateau, and after injuring my toe and knee, i am back in the gym and loving it. but, i also had vacation where i ate out a ton, and now i just feel.....icky.

so this diet i did when i was a teen in my quest to see the outlines of my organs through my belly, has resurfaced. of course now i am searching for the outline of my waist, not liver.

it is 7 days long, and tho i refuse to be stuck on a diet, but would rather change my eating habits all together, this "cleanse" while super hard, has been successful for me before. it is hard to finish, and i am thankful none of you will be within this state while i am doing it, because, well lets face it... i won't be pleasant.

i tried everything i could to cut down on the chances of a total melt down. i won't be pms-ing, and i will be working 5 out of the 7 nights. i think hubby summed it up perfectly when he said "oh thank god, for me, not your patients at work."

so babble, babble, it is

day one: all fruits as much as you want and cabbage soup (no banana's)

day two: all veggies, as much as you want and cabbage soup. (no beans, peas or corn) one med. baked potato with butter, no salt

day three: fruits and veggies and cabbage soup (no potato, banana's, peas, beans or corn)

day four: up to 8 banana's and 8 eight oz glasses of skim milk guessed it cabbage soup

day five: up to 20 oz of ground beef and 6 tomatoes, cabbage soup

day six: up to 20 oz of ground beef and veggies (same no-no's as before) and cabbage soup and oh thank god, fruit juice-unsweetened

day seven: (if you are still alive) rice, fruits and veggies

the cabbage soup is homemade, there is a recipe.

so maybe you've heard of it, or even tried it. if you have, you know what i am in for. online it mentions one thing that deterred people was the amountof flatulence that occurs because of all the fiber. ha! can't wait!

so i am gonna try and blog about it, because i know you are just dying to know about my cleanse, and my farts.

i apologize in advance for anything i type that is less the pleasant. please excuse me fo rthe next 7 days as i try to rejuvenate my colon:)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

abstract thinker....

so maybe you know, or maybe not, but i homeschool my son. he is in second grade this year and i choose to keep him home for many reasons. i am not a fanatic or anything, i just think that for elementary school and for this particular kid, it is the right choice. and i dooo have some education in, well.... education.

so anyway we are in week 2 and i always start out the year much more disciplined and end up slacking off a bit towards the end. not terribly, but i tend to not be as strict, because honestly, after about 160 days of school i am tired too!

but this year seems to be more fun, his brain i swear has grown and his ability to process and spit back out info is amazing to me.

i am sure many children are like this, but since i am teaching jsut the one, i am gonna pretend like he is the smartest, bestest second grader ever.

so we are doing school work today, math, trying to review from last year and jump into the harder stuff, and seeing as how we were just on mini-vacation it makes it that much harder. but i had a choice... do my own homework, or make the kid do his work.

being mom of the year that i am, i chose to sacrifice and make him do his.

so anyway, he was getting to the end and i always like to end with something alittle easier than the beginning that way he is tired, but feeling like he accimplished something and he'll be excited next time...

so the last thing is to do some addition and color the spaces according to the answer. so he wa moving along nicely. once he began to figure out that the picture was going to be a bird, he stopped coloring and looked up at me and said" mommy, this looks like it is going to be a bird."

and i agreed.

" mommy? do you think this bird is happy?"

it kinda shocked me for a second. like of all the things he could ask, he wanted to know if the bird was happy. was it enough for this bird to sit on the page being colored by a child and be happy for its life.

he is full of statements liek that giving feeling and life to things that are inanimate. or bringing up some question about how someone or something feels, when it never would have occurred to me.

now i consider myself pretty empathetic and caring, and in the profession i am in, i think it is a good thing. but this kid blows me away.

i always wondered if parents could see one type or another of a certain, i don't know, "specialty" for lack of a better word, in their children. like an affinity for math, or painting, or whatever. and of you could see it, would you foster it?

like ok, everyone has to know spelling and reading and math,but if your child, like mine, has such an artistic, abstract side to them, would you encourage them to develop it? like painting classes, art classes, mucis classes to try and find their niche?

i don't feel that i really had this. my dad loved football and raised my brother to love it as well. he played on childrens leagues and whatnot, and of course in highschool but then when it was over, he was so deflated. and he had always measured his self worth and my fathers love for him in his ability to perform at football. once it was done.......

i don't really feel like i was necessarily stunted, but not really encouraged to be more than the norm. like i was always good at school and so my parents always pushed me to achieve more academically, but i feel that their is so much more. but i don't know where to start... liek i feel much more artistic and able to do much more.

so my whole point is this, how should i proceed. i want to encourage him to grow and explore and learn so much more than reading, writing and arithmatic. any stories/advice fromm you all? about yourselves or kids of you have them?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

a little of this and a little of that.....

so we are away, again. i say that for your benefit,as if you may be jealous that we seem to have an overflow of outings this year. i certainly don't mind...

we have been fortunate to get away, and with 2 more years of school pretty much year round, there won'tbe much escaping from here on out....unless, well i may be able to squeeze something in here or there....

anyway, i spent today sitting comfy next to this guy.......

while this guy.......

ran around......

digging in the sand and.......

collecting priceless rocks...

tonight two things happened. at very opposite ends of the spectrum. we went out to dinner at one of our favorite spots to eat when we are here. they treat us well, the food is always excellent and our little guy loves it! he is a sweet kid, and tho i know you are thinking i am biased, i have to tell you, if you met him, i am sure he would charm you as well:) he is sweet and mild mannered and everything a kid should be. his smile lights up a room and his antics are hilarious.


back to my story...

i very much enjoy hanging out with my kid. except when he is whining, or being annoying, or getting o my nerves, or whatever. mostly i love being around him. we are goofy together and i love hearing the things he comes up with....such as this.....

so we are in the middle of dinner, enjoying eachother and our food immensely. and my son turns to me and the following comes out of his mouth:

"i wish you could just make a concert mommy, and then move on. "

me: um, ok.....

"well what you're talking about is a one hit wonder."

me: what's that?

"well, it's when you have a concert about any kind of song, then after the concert the singer has a big diva tantrum. and before you know it, the song ends up as elevator music. then they have a reunion concert and after that? they never sing again, and no one remembers them!"

my son, the musical genius:) which leads me to the other part of our meal.

right before our entree's arrived, a family sat at the table next to us. a mom, dad, approx 5 year old and a newborn. the dad immediately began asking about $0.35 wings and beer specials. the mom began staring over at our table, mroe specifically, at me. she wasn't even hiding it. i am sure i don't know her because i am one of those people who recognizes people from kindergarten.

anyway, i figure maybe she is looking at our food that has just arrived and is trying to see what it looks like.

meanwhile, my son and i are mildly dancing to the music, in our seats. just kinda bobbing our heads. their 5 yr old is cracking up at us. she continues with those bizarre stares, only now i detect that she is, i don't know, disgusted by us? like, she looks like she thinks we are being obnoxious. only i swear we aren't being loud, or knocking things over, or anything. just laughing to ourselves.

for our drink, since neither of us was driving, we ordered a pitcher of margherita's, which between hubby and i usually means 2 for me and 3 for him. in a smaller size glass. with a big meal. you get the point, i was by no means drunk, or really even intoxicated since i was only about 1 glass in.

(quick background here, i have an uncanny ability to imitate many people, including real life and cartoon charatacters)

so i sneezed 3 times in a row and for the fourth one, i thought i would crack my kid up and sneeze like donald duck. it worked and he was laughing, hysterically. albeit, covering his mouth and cracking up. because he has manners. and he knows not to stare and disrupt others.

well, the ugly, skanky, bitch young lady with 2 children next to me thought i was past my limit and let her husband know, not so quietly, that i was drunk. that i should stop drinking. and she continued to stare at me even more blatantly and longer looking like she was sure i was drunk and a terrible mother.

and, tho she doesn't know this part, i can read lips. why? well thats another story, but i can. and she proceeded to talk about me with her husband who wished he was at hooters. probably for more than just the $0.35 wings and draft beer specials.

anyway, i wasn't drunk and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. i would never be drunk in front of my kid. i jsut enjoy making him laugh. and being goofy with him. i lvoe my family and am not ashamed if everyone else can tell.

she really hurt my feelings, more over i felt like i had to be quiet and not drink anymore just to prove to some loose vagina, too-tight tanktop, redneck judemental young lady that i wasn't drunk, just naturally a fun mommy.

i wanted to stare back at her, or do something passize aggressive, like talk about HER while we were still within ear shot.

but i didn't. because i have manners. i guess we got the last laugh tho, the guy that runs the place is pretty fammiliar with us at this point and so on our way out, her grabs my little guys hand and asks us to hang on. he runs next door to the gift shop and out comes my little man with his own t-shirt bearing the restaurant logo. a present for the sweetest little kid around, all within eyeshot of the rudest, fat whore mother young lady with the staring problem.

and my kid had the biggest smile:)

me too:)

we can't get enough of this place.....

early on saturday, we set out on an adventure........

we walked shoes in hand.....
through sand and surf.....

we found treasures.......

and a helping hand........

the view was breathtaking......

and we loved being together.....
while the waves crashed all around.....

i love family time.....

Saturday, September 5, 2009

the one in which she rants and raves (this is long, i'm not gonna lie)

so one of my very near and dear friends is getting married in may 2010. she is beyond excited, as am i :) i have never been in a wedding nor have i been asked to help plan one, and here i am with both of those honors for a woman who is truly beautiful inside and out.

today we had an appointment to look at bridesmaids dresses, we made the appointment because there are 7 of us not including the bride and we wanted some individual attention, all shapes and sizes are we. the bride was very liberal in saying she wants a specific color and length but the style is completely up to each of us.

so we get to said place exactly on time and are shown to our consultant.

who shows us half a rack length of dresses that are the length we want and then stands there while we root through. we inquire as to alterations, sizing, etc. and "she doesn't know, she'll have to loook it up" is the answer to every question. we then decide on a few dresses each and request the dressing room. she tells us we will have to double up because there are alot of people in the store and she can't spare more than 2 dressing rooms.

umm.....ok isn't that why we made an appointment? don't we have some precedence over walkins? guess not. so we start trying on only to discover that she was wrong, the sizes do run small. exactly 2 sizes too small for each person. maybe the 7 of us were the only ones in the world that didn't know our sizes.

so she goes and gets us the correct sizes and meanwhile we are milling about in front of our dressing rooms (just the 2) and people are everywhere!

so she comes back and we get the right sizes on and start appraising eachother and turn around to ask her opinion and again inquire about length and alterations and she is with another group. giving them her full attention. add insult to injury and another consultant walks by and says "suck itin ladies there are other people here." um, i'm sorry are we in your way? are we taking up too much room in our two meager dressing rooms while we wait for our double booked consultant?

we decide that they haven't done anything to deserve our business and we have other appointments to try. so we walk to the front to speak with the manager. we inform her of the things going on and tell her at 200 bucks per dress we expected a little more attentiveness.

she lets us know they are always this busy on weekends and for a group as large as ours we should have booked an appointment during the week. she adds to that it would have been a better idea to make the appointment for a "bridal party" instead of "the bridesmaids" because then they would have know we wanted individualized attention.


so ok. we go outside and collect ourselves. lets get lunch.

we go to a restaurant between the place we were just at and the next place. we get there at 1:15pm. we are seated and our waiter says hello and leaves. then 5-6 mins later he comes back and takes our drink order. 10 mins later he comes backwith our waters and cosmos and various other drinks. then he leaves. 15 mins later he comes back and takes our appetizer order. i decide in favor of my diet i will skip the appetizer and go with the regular meal, so i order nothing. everyone else gets appetizers. it's now 1:45pm

our appetizers come out about 10 mins later. everyone digs in and i sip my drink feeling so smug for sticking to my diet. (ha!) one girl ordered mini crab cakes and found a flying bug in her tarter sauce. she asked for the manager and the manager (after running back to the kitchen for less than 2 mins) announces that there are no bugs in the kitchen and the bug must have come from the dining area. no sorry, the girl requests them to take it back and replace it which they do.

we site there about 10 more mins and finally it is 2:10pm and he comes and takes our order for our meals. we are starting to feel like um, ok is this taking an abnormally long time? whatever, i'm starving.....

so now it's 2:30 pm and our food isn't here yet. we have to be 30 mins up the road by 4pm and still no food.

so now it's 2:45 pm and the manager comes out with a tray, but we wave her down and let her know we would like our check, forget the entrees, people who came after us have come and gone, we need to leave. she says 'but i have your fish tacos...."

we tell her no thankyou, send it back.

she stomps off without a word.

the kitchen manager comes out and apologizes. he hears our complaint and then tears up our bill and says the whole thing is on him today and please don't hold it against the restaurant.

we leave.

i can't believe we went through all that, and i ate nothing. i was starving! but more than that, why is it that customer service apparently isn't really service at all anymore. the guy didn't have to comp our whole bill, we would have paid for what we ate, but at least someone seemed concerned with pleasing us.

ao anyway very long story a wee bit shorter, the next place had nothing for us either, tho their service was great. then one last place which is actually another location for the first one and jackpot! so alls well that ends well, but my goodness!

so, any horrible customer service stories of your own?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

hair cuts, you ate what?

so i don't really have too much interesting to say. i wish i did. i swear all throughout the day things will happen and i'll think, oh i have to blog about that, but when i actually grab 5 mins to sit down, i can't remember a single thing. so instead i am choosing to write about random things that have popped into my blank little head.

i apologize in advance....

my son has been getting his hair cut by the same girl since he was one. she is a miracle worker as he has some VERY STRANGE cowlicks. 2 in the front and all the hair on the entire left side of his head grows from his ear forward. i can't get into my theories on why right now, but i promise i didn't drink or smoke when i was pregnant. much.

just kidding.

sort of.

no really, i didn't. i abstained completely.

so anyway, she cuts his hair every 8 weeks for 10 bucks. it doesn't get much better than that. i wish my own mother had seen the benefit of a hair dresser. however, she saw the benefit of a free hair cut.

at home.

with kitchen scissors.

over the sink.

all my childhood i dreamed of long hair, beautiful and shiny, cascading down my back.

all my childhood i had a choppy short hair cut. at least she added layers.

if by layers i mean an angle starting at my ear and unevenly angling down to a point just below my shoulders. with bangs.

sort of.

don't worry i got her back though.

i refused to brush my hair from age 9 to 13. with all those tangles no one could even tell how uneven my hair was.

or that kitchen shears were involved.

when my husband and i got married we had a dog. a german rottweiler named zoey. she was the runt of the litter, but by the time she was 6 montsh you never would have known. she was a sweet heart and easy to live with. we adored her, our first child and loved to spend time with her.

she was easy to house train. as a puppy, her owners trained her to poop on a cement pad, which i guess made it easy for clean up after so many dogs. so.... by the time we got her at 3 months, she wouldn't poop anywhere else. we would walk in the park and she would run to the side walk to poop.

we loved everything about her.

the only thing that ever went wrong was shortly after we got married, my underwear started disappearing.

literally, i was dwindling down to such a bare minimum of pairs that i began to wonder if my husband was stealing them.

and wearing them.

just kidding.


so anyway, it finally became apparent that someone was responsible for the missing crotch covers. someone or.....


one day we left and had to turn right around and come home to get something or other and we solved the mystery.

the dog was using her mouth to open my middle top drawer and take out a pair of underwear, which she then chewed to pieces and ate. then she jumped up on my side of the bed and laid ther contented.

seems she had been responsible all along as her various piles of doggy doo contained brightly colored strands of fabric.


we had to start closing the door.

so now you know two things about me that you never knew before.

i had home haircuts and a panty eating dog.

don't you feel fulfilled?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

oh girlies i have missed you so:)

so i am not even gonna lie, i haven't yet been able to catch up on everyones blogs:( i have been reading and reading but i'm not even half way there. and i start school tonight, so i figured to hell with it, i love you all and i am gonna read but i have to post, it's now or never. or at least another week.

my fingers have been itching for this moment, and finally the time has come. not that i had something spectacular to share, i just miss sharing.

vacation was fabulous and i felt so rested after that i had a well thought out plan to win the lottery so that i could be on vacation forever. i knew the powerball was climbing and there was even a 7-11 on the way to work. i grabbed my 3 bucks and marched in, dollar signs in my eyes. bought my tickets and tucked them safely in my pocket.

all night i dreamed of sunfilled days spent lounging about while my private chef created sumptuous meals that were both yummy AND healthy. my little guy would have private tutors instead of homeschooling mommy and daddy, and a personal trainer who really could work miracles with this belly.

needless to say, when i didn't even get one number.......

i quit my gambling habit and went back to work.

and worked

and worked

and worked.

i also slept and ate. ohyeah and dragged myself back to guinevere, who did not let me get by without a severe lashing for staying away so long. i tried to tell her about the broken toe, but she isn't capable of sympathy.

my son asked me did i have any goodluck charms to help me with the lottery and i said no...and he said well what is goodluck anyway? i explained and he then let me know that i had several options to choose from...

" well mommy, pennies, horse shoes, 4 leaf clovers, ladybugs, a lucky rabbits foot or dice could help."

uh, dice?

"yeah, so you can roll snake eyes."

his knowledge of canada and luck are impressive.

now i want to get personal.

i want to talk about something that maybe some or many of you may relate to in some way or another.

facial hair. how much do you have? how do you get rid of it and how often? tell me, please. i have only in the past few years felt like i had more than when i was a teen and after a nasty chemical burn on my chin from nair that left me looking like i was beat by my husband, i am searching for ways, costs, at home vs. professional, help!

and so ladies i am gonna catch up on you all some more......