the roller coaster continues....

dear friends it is friday! i am so happy it is the end of the week!

i am off until sunday night and kinda looking forward to just doing nothing. the weather is beautiful and i am planning on being outside and enjoying it with my little one:)

this week has been all over the place and though i feel like i am handling it better than last week, i also feel like will these emotions and sadness and happiness and anger ever all calm down?

the stupid bitch at work continues to be herself, and though she drives me nuts i have become quite adept at ignoring her. sometimes i think that is a good hting and other times i feel like i truly wish i could just put her in her place. the thing that keeps me sane is everyone else is pretty much feeling like i am so at least it isn't just me. i should clarify though that while i am the boss often at night, that only means i am in charge, but i am not acutally like the nurse manager boss, so even though i would love to fire her, i cannot.

in fact this week i wasn't even in charge at all, which was nice to have a break. i got to have my own little group of patients and take care of them for 3 nights. i got to know them and spend time with them and really feel like a nurse. it was great, even though a little old man who was half blind apparently couldn't make up his mind about me. first he would stare at my chest and tell me he needed some love, then he would call me "hey, my man!". when i told him i wasn't a man, he laughed and said" oh i didn't know until just now..."

i guess the funny parts are what keeps it moving.

yesterday we had our first ever employee appreciation day for just our unit. it has been being planned for months now and we were so excited to have it go so well. there is a committee of us who make decisions for our unit and help our nurse manager with projects and hospital wide committees, and we bought -shirts for our entire floor and had food and stuff all day long.

i have to say it really brought our floor together and made everyone feel pride to be apart of it. it was better than we even expected.

i have been a total slacker this week is exercising, it is friday and the only time i exercised was monday. i will get back on track though, i am gonna say it was a tough week and start anew.

i still feel like crying nearly every day. my parents wouldn't even open the door when i stopped by for a few minutes mothers day. it took 15 minutes of me knocking before they realized i wasn't going to leave. it was also my sisters birthday and i was going to work but wanted to say hi to them. they told me they thought i was a jehovah's witness and that was why they didn't answer. yeah, ok. i saw them looking out the window, and also i am white. oh yeah and also i was in scrubs and i look more like their daughter than a jehovah's witness.

whatever.

i am having a hard time sleeping. i think it in part is due to what is going on inside of me, but also due to the fact that my husband is not sleeping when i do. which means he comes in and out, waking me each time. i have tried to ask him not to, i think he jsut thinks he can be quieter next time. or he tries to wake me up for.....

and to be quite honest i hate being woken up when i am really tired for any reason. 3 times last night. i woke up today pissed about it because while i realize i slept for 12 hours, it doesn't really count when you are woken 3 times.

so....being tired makes me more emotional.

agghhh, a never ending circle.

on the other hand i made reservations for our summer vacation this week and you all know how much we love vacation! now i just have to figure out how to pay for it.......

oh yeah, can i talk to you for a minute about tires?

last friday on my way home from work i got a flat tire. only a mile or so from my house. so i called my husband and informed him i was on the shoulder of the road with my hazard lights on driving 20 miles an hour. he was like ok, are you gonna make it home?

blah blah blah, i made it home blah blah blah...

the point of the sotry is this....when we went to get a new tire.....

we went to walmart first and they knew what kind of tire we needed and could put it on for us and it would be $125.00. oh yeah, except, they didn't have the tire in stock.

ok, on to pep boys. they thought we would have to replace both rear tires so as not to screw up the alignment and that would be $300.00, except surprise surprise, they didn't have the tires either, but they did have a different kind, but id we wanted those then we would need to rplace all 4 tires and it would be $650.00.

um, no thanks.

so onto palumbo's. they did have the 2 rear tires and they agrreed we should replace both and they could do it right then.

$335.00 later, our tire problem was fixed.

WTF?

a stupid tire gets a flat and all day was spent taking care of it and finding out that alignment on a car is seriously important. or a seriously important excuse to get more money out of people.

my son now thinks is some hot shit because he helped mow and trim the yard yesterday and today there is more yard/house work on the agenda and he and my husband have been out this morning picking up supplies to perform these chores. he even convinced his father that they needed wendy's for lunch because workers always eat lunch out.

ha! little stinker, he sure knows how to manipulate.

and i will leave you with one final question. my husbands cousin is having a baby. sunday is her baby shower. they live in florida. so the shower was planned to be "remote" meaning we would all mail our gifts and they would take lots of pics of her opening them (of course local people would be there) and then post them on face book. i thought it was a cute idea, but now it is friday and i haven't mailed my gift. i guess i should be honest and say i haven't even bought the gift yet. i kept meaning to, but i seriously cannot get my behind in gear. so there is no way it will be there on time and quite honestly i wanted to get something really nice which i can't afford until i get paid next friday. so what should i do? ignore the date and pretend i forgot? fake being massively sick with the swine flu?

so, bloggy friends this post is far longer than i thought, and if you made it all the way through and are still reading you can sigh with relief, i am done:)

love to you all!
jineen