Friday, May 8, 2009

um,mmm....maybe i shouldn't post when i am drunk

so.....this week has been a haze.. so many things have happened and yet when i sit to type them out and it doesn't seem like much!

how can that happen? how can your life be so busy that you want to curl up on the couch drink til you puke and then pass out in bed for 18 hours, and yet when asked what happened you can't even say?

work was, the highlight is that i truly love what i do. i know i know, it's getting emotional, but honestly, i do. i couldn't imagine myself being in any other position or doing any other job. i truly see my patients as people. who cares that they are a drug addict, i will never see how they got to that point, all i know is they are there because they need me. i value that.

there is a person at work that i just cannot stand. the feeling is mutual. she cannot even wlk by me without turning her head. that is the difference between us. i hateher. yup, i can count on my one hand the number of people i hate in this world and she is number one. and yet at work, i am there to be the boss. i can put my personal feelings aside and be professional. sadly, she can't. she makes it more than obvious that she hates me. she is rude and immature.

what the hell can i say to her. i am not a mean person by nature and also not quick with the comebacks so i don't know how to deal with it. i want to be boldand mature and also let her know, hey bitch when i am the boss, i am the boss, shut your f**kin mouth and do your job.

and yet i can never think of a witty comeback to her bullshit.

beyond that i am at a crossroads, so to speak. i am young and yet getting older, happy and unhappy. how do you make your way through that?

i read these blogs every day, i love hearing and sharing about you all, and yet, i feel as if i will never be that witty. and so i must learn to be content with the way i am. i am not quick and snappy, i am not sarcastic. i wish i were.

but i am me. i am just learning that is ok to just be me. if you don't like it tough, i have to be so i can be happy. my whole life i have been whatever was needed to fit the situation and fulfilled the job to the best of my ability but i can't.

i know you will all read this and have supportive comments and that will mean more to me than you know, and then i will look back and read it and wish i was funnier and better at everything.


is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 26 and 9/10th's?

all i know is, the me that i am, the me on the inside, i kinda like that girl. i want her to come out more often.

mothers day is sunday, happy mothers day!

and also the sun is shining after 9 straight days of rain which is nice! and i got paid today which is also nice!

and my family is healthy ( mostly) and that is great.

have you ever felt like, geez when i think back about it, i have so much to be grateful for, why do i feel like this?

well anyway, enough with the whiny crap....

my 27th birthday is coming up and i am helping a very dear and beautiful friend plan her wedding for next year, and i am off for 2 days...

i am so thankful for you all and for this blog because even though i am so vague here i feel better already just for getting this out. and don't worry i won't be this melancholy for long.

i am also thankful that cammie and kristina p keep me cracking up and also shannon at it't trickey for being my running idol.

i wish i had the drive to link them, but i don't and i have to pee so you can look to see who i am following and it isw "life in the house of no sleep" and pulsipher predilictions" and it's trickey" repectively.

love you all and yeah and shauna, she always cheers me up!
happy friday:)


Anonymous said...

Girl, I've had those same feelings - the "I should be happy but yet I'm not." All I can say is, I told myself that I'm going to suck it up and pretend to be happy...and now, I don't have to pretend as often... <--Wow, did that make sense?

As far as the witch at work...You're the boss - show her who's boss. Why can't you have a 1 on 1 with the chick and tell her behavior is unacceptable and uprofessional...and that if she doesn't change that attitude, she'll be canned. There's lots of other people out there that would love to have a job - and - that are not snotty. :)

Thanks for the shoutout. I think of you often when I'm out there sweating, can hardly breathe, and wondering why it is I'm running... It keeps me going knowing that other people look up to me. :)

Happy Mother's Day weekend! You're a great mom! Others could definitely take a few notes from you!

Anonymous said...

You arent alone, believe me there are more people who "pretend to be happy" than admit to it. Me being one of those.

Happy mothers day, and no it isnt wrong to have a midlife crisis at 26/27, I have been having one for 2 yrs now and I am only 31.

Kristina P. said...

So there's a woman in the other office that hates our office, and is always talking smack, or pretends to be your best friend and is so fake.

We found out she's being transferred to the new office, but is still part of our time, and my supervisor supervises her. I've just decided that she is so unhappy, and I feel sorry for her. I don't hate her, but I don't like her. I will be the bigger person and take the high road.