Saturday, May 29, 2010

i won but we all lost really.....

dear you again,

so we went to court yesterday. i showed up 20 mins early, you weren't there. the court ruled in my favor through default and just as the bailiff was showing me into the judge to sign the papers, i almost ran headfirst into you. At first i was upset, you were 20 minutes late and i didn't feel like dealing with all of this to begin with, especially on my birthday.

but then the mediators asked me what i wanted. i said full custody and i want you to leave me alone.

you, i really thought you would fight. no way were you giving me full custody without visitation. i told them i was sure you would request visitation of some kind. and i would have agreed. i want you to see our son, i want you to be the dad i know you can be.

but you didn't even fight.

as i am sitting here typing this, tears are pouring out of my eyes because you gave up on your son. the next time you see him, he will be 9 and a half. you will miss him swimming in the pool, halloween, christmas. you won't be there for his birthday or easter. he won't even get to celebrate fathers day with you this year.

i may have won in court, but we all lost. the only thing you requested was phone contact, didn't you see how readily i agreed to that? didnt you remember i said i wouldn't take your son from you and i meant it?

even now, you haven't tried to call him. its been three and a half weeks since you've seen him. my heart is breaking for both of you because i know that you love your son.

you, he misses you. please, i didn't ask for child support, i didn't ask for restitution, please, work hard at your job, complete your classes and get it together. there is a little boy living with me who needs us BOTH to take care of him.

hoping and waiting,

dear you's mother,

i texted you today to tell you that even though your son gave up his son, that i want you to be a part of his life. that i would never keep him from you. i told you that he and i both love you and miss you. i said that even if you didn't want to see me anymore, that i wouldn't make it uncomfortable for you to see dom. i apologized for things getting nasty even though it isn't me or you making it that, it is your son. but you have been in my life for so many years, i didn't want to lose you, or your family.

i don't know what he is telling you, i can't imagine it is anything good. i doubt it is the truth either. but i trust that you know him well enough to know that. i trust that you can see for yourself the way he is acting.

all i am asking is that you don't forget about your only grandson who misses his best friend/uncle.

i saw that after i texted you, you sent texts to your son. but you didn't answer me. i humbled myself and put it out there to try and keep the relationship open. i don't know what else i can do.

i miss you and love you,

dear god,

i am so sad right now and i dont know what to do.

dear family, friends and bloggy peeps:)

thankyou so much for the birthday wishes and thoughts! i truly had a great day:) love to you all


Mommy's Sippy Cup said...

Oh girl. I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I would give you a big hug if I could, not like that would make anything any better. I must have been completely lost or something, bc I had no idea you were dealing with all of this. I really hope for you that things get better.

Anonymous said...

So sorry about what he is doing to Dom. Maybe he'll get his act together soon enough.