Monday, February 23, 2009

mommy, can we talk?

when you see that sweet, innocent face you would never think of the things that come out of his mouth. this post is dedicated to my son, some day he will read this and know what we as his parents were forced to put up with, and may God bless him with a child just like him:)

let me recount some conversations we've had over the last year or so....

(this first story i told once before on the blog i share with my husband and have really not updated in a long time)

dom hops in my lap "hold me like a baby mommy"

i grab him up and look down in his sweet face.

"i'm a boy right mommy?"


"and daddy's a boy, right?"


"and you're a girl"

"yeah" i start to realize he is going somewhere with this...

"cuz daddy and i have s-o-p-o-t's"

(side note an s-o-p-o-t is dom's spelling for penis, jerm and i used to spell things we didn't want him to know about, and so he decided since he isn't allowed to say penis outside of the house, he would spell it with his favorite letters-thus s-o-p-o-t)

"and your s-o-p-o-t fell off"

"well, mine didn't fall off, but thats right, thats difference"

"and daddy has a beard and mustache"


"and i will too when i grow up"


"but not you, cuz you are a girl"

"um, yes"

"well, (and here he furrows his brow and squints his eyes, indicating his deep thought) how come i see one on you?" (he touches my upper lip)

"oh thanks dom"

he has now pointed out that my mustache has overgrown its limit

"i think you should take care of that so people don't think you are my daddy when we go out, daddy says you could wax it"

apparently they have discussed my mustache. delightful.

onto the next one......

now, without getting into too much detail, (i want to keep this light) my son was born with some congenital birth defects and has had multiple surgeries, and he has a tumor, and basically he is 7 but has no control over bowel movements, so he wears a pull-up. (hopefully no one is thinking that is an excuse, or how terrible it is that he wears it, if you are, you have no idea)

anyway, he wears a pullup and takes a large amount of laxatives daily to keep him moving, since his little body can't do it on its own....sadly for us and the ozone, this causes some particularly foul smelling poop. we lovingly refer to it as "swamp ass".(also, i never thought he really apid much attention to us talking....) i know, how terrible right? well, you have to keep it light otherwise the sadness of his problem is overwhelming. so anyway.....

thanksgiving day....

"lets all say what we are thankful for, ok?"

someone:" i'm thankful for food, there are so many people who are hungry, and we have plenty"

jerm:" i'm thankful for my wife and son, i love them and they keep me happy"

someone:" i'm thankful for health"

me:" i'm thankful for our family, and how we have been blessed with eachother"

dom:" i'm thankful for wipes, they really get the swamp ass clean."

and he smiles quite proudly.....(don't worry dom, i'm thankful for them too)

this next one is from a few years ago, and i hope we don't come out looking too bad...

dom didn't leave the house except to go to the hospital for almost the first 2 years of life....then he went to a preschool that wasn't super diverse.....

though we didn't intend for it to be this way, he didn't really ever meet people that weren't white. so on a trip to the grocery store, just at the point in his life when he was really starting to notice all the differences between people (we are talking 3 years old here)...we were standing in line, and there were some guys standing in front of us and they were black. i'm not even noticing it, but he is staring.....

now they were being kind of loud, and they were kinda big ( again i hope i am not sounding totally racist, because i am not)


"yes dom"

"the easter bunny is coming soon"


"and he goes to every kid"


"and he likes us all"


"and we all get candy"


"well", and he takes a big breath and gets louder"is he white like us? or brown like them?" and points ahead of us


they all turn around to see what i am going to say.....

and in all my genius, i think i have the perfect answer....

"well, i don't really know, because i haven't ever seen him, he comes while we are sleeping"

and smiles back up at me.....

"well, maybe there are two, a peach one for us since we are peach and a brown for them since they are brown"

we did have a long talk when we got home about how god made us all different colors, shapes and sizes and we shouldn't talk about it except in our own home, cuz we wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings, and honestly beyond that point it never seemed to come up again, thankgoodness!

dom is fatally allergic to nuts, and so a lot of our life is about keeping them away from him...


"yes, dom"

"you and daddy found eachother because God put you together, right?"


"and God knows what he is doing, right?"


"do you think he knows what he is doing all the time?"


"well, i want to have a wife when i grown up"

"i think you will have one"

"well, do you think God made someone out there just for me?"

"i sure do, honey"

"well, do you think she will be searching for me, like i will be searching for her?"

( i know you are thinking at this point...awww how sweet....stop thinking it)

"i sure do"

"and do you think she will love me?"

"yes i do"

"well i hope she is allergic to nuts too, otherwise i will not be loving her"

"well, honey, she may not be allergic to nuts, but she will learn to be careful, and you can still love her"

"nope, not gonna happen"

"well, it might, you never know who God is gonna match you up with"

"well, i'm gonna hope for someone allergic, and if she isn't, i will pray for God to make her allergic"

i guess he is quite proud of his plan, he happily ran away and continued playing.

so i guess i will end the display of terrible parenting, feel free to nominate me for mother of the year, my skills really are enviable :)



Anonymous said...

Oh that is such a sweet post!!I loved it! Yeah one time my boy was four at the time and a big lady was passing by and he yelled out loud"That;s a very fat lady" and she heard it and I wanted to disapear! Check out my new post at WenbrenExplainsItAll!!

Cammie said...

that is awesome. He reminds me a lot of my son with the randomness that comes out of his mouth.

Anonymous said...

That's so sweet. You should've told him the Easter Bunny was spotted or pink! LOL I was thinking, pink.

Melissa said...

That is so stinken CUTE!!

Heather said...

Love it! Your son sounds a lot like my Gabe. I never know what's gonna come out of that boy's mouth.

I once had a neighbor who got very offended when my oldest son told her son that he was brown. She snobbily explained, "I have taught my son not to see colors". To which I replied, "Well, they're teaching colors at preschool, and your son is brown. Period. There was no offense coming from my THREE year old, for God's sake".

That's not rascist, that's observant.