ok so here i am...

thankyou kristina for the vote of confidence. it has been a hard month for me so far. I am just beginning to learn all the things that i can no longer hide from and facing them is perhaps the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

add on to that back to work and school and still trying to maintain a normal household for the sake of my son. plus i am so used to doing for everyone else to keep them happy, that learning to do what makes me happy is super challenging. and then to not feel guility about it.....

work has been good tho, i have gone in with a new attitude, and making this page as well as my facebook private haas helped me feel like now i have some limits. or boundaries as my therapist likes to call them. he says i never had any before. so that is yet another first for me.

and still i find myself tending to pretend sometimes just so i dont have to explain myself. i guess i am a work in progress.

thanksgiving was nice and i spent black friday with my girlfriends. i should now be doing homework and cutting hubby's hair, but i wanted to get back into the swing of blogging a little more, i am such a good reader and such a bad typer.

well anyway, thanks for coming back to see your crazy bloggy friend:)

ok, here is the low down...

so i have been MIA for a while, with some sporadic here and there nothingness on here, and i feel that the people i have come to know and care for deserve better. I have loved having this blog and have enjoyed sharing my life with you as well as being a part of yours:) I had to make this blog private for several reasons, which i am sure will become obvious to you while reading this.

I will share what has been going on, but i want to be sure you know my reasons. i don't want pity, or sadness, i just choose to share with you as friends. because thats what we are right? friends:)i want you to know where i am coming from and i want you to keep coming back. god knows, so much of my problem comes from worrying too much about what other people think and basing everything i say and do on what it will make people think of me. So i hope you will take my story for what it is and keep coming back and realize that i am working to move past it and i don't want you to think of me only as someone with this problem, but as someone who you read their blog and they once went through this....

ok, enough rambling.....

so about 3.5 weeks ago, in the middle of my shift at work, a friend asked me if i was ok. My blood pressure had been pretty high for 2 weeks and i jsut wasn't feeling well that night. she is one of my dearest friends and after one look and that one simple question....."are you ok?" i just lost it.

apparently, when i do thigns i do them big, because i lost it in a big way.

I started crying and mumbling something about work and then she looked at me and she said "this isn't all from work, what is goin on?".

and that put me over the edge.

Between vomiting, crying uncontrolably and a bp that topped out at 190/120.....i was, as they say...

A HOT MESS

i was incoherently rambling and for someone who has never, NEVER lost control in their life, who prides themself on their control over everything and who sets the standard for herself very high.....i guess you jsut can't do that for 27 years and expect to come out ok.

so, my two dearest friends took me to employee health in the morning and i was given two options.

be committed to the pysch ward immediately

or do intensive partial inpatient treatment, meaning i get to come home at night and on the weekends.

so for two weeks, i came to the hospital everyday and stayed.

and talked.

and started some meds.

and remained in denial for a good bit of time.

and came home and continued to pretend that everything was fine.

I tried folks very hard.

i tried to hold it together and tell myself that this wasn't happening, but it was.

it is.

I am back to work as of tonight after 3 weeks off. i am seeing a therapist twice a week and i apparently do not have as much control as i thought.

there are so many reasons and i will share them with you, but i don't want to become a burden, one of those people that drones on incessantly about all the bad things because there are plenty of good things too.

I want to be someone who writes heartwarming and funny posts.

but i want to be real too.

and so for once in my life: here is real me.

thanks for reading, and i will be back on baord because, damn, i have missed you!!!!!

ok, testing, am i private? i think i did it right....

so this will be my mini test run, to see if i am truly private. i am not sure what you would incur to try and get here, but i did send inites to those that gave me their email address. but before i fill you on in on why i have been so MIA, i want to test if this is truly private.

so lovely gals, let me know:)

going private

hello fabulous ladies:)

so i am gonna go private. i wish it didn't have to be that way, i enjoy being able to be myself on here and feel that many of you are dear friends to me despite having never met in real life. i follow you and cry with you and laugh with you and enjoy a peek into yourlives, as well as the sharing and caring and acceptance i have found here.
i want to be able to continue to be myself and share with you and tell you everything and be honest, but under such a public format it can become harmful to other areas of my life.
so, in order to go private and still enable those of you who desire to follow along, i need email addresses. once i go private, i can send an invite to you to read my blog and then you would log in.
if you are interested and you want to, please email me your email so i can invite you. if not, no hard feelings certainly, i understand, not everyone chooses to continue to read each blog they started out reading.
but for those of you who do, please email me as i intend to make this blog private by the end of the week.
email
lizlovey@hotmail.com

love to you all
jineen

yeah, i'm still here:)

so i know, i have been such a slacker......
i have been keeping up with you all, love reading about your lives, hearing about the things going on with you:) just haven't been able to find the time to get on here and actually say anything.

so many things have been going on, tho i am hesitant to post it on here. the reason being someone at work was recently fired immediately for posting something about work on their facebook page. it was about a patient or anything, but they are really cracking down on that stuff and since this blog isn't private and though i don't have my address or last name on here, if you knew me, you would easily be abel to identify me fromt hsi page. so my question to you all is., do you know how i can make it provate? accesable by invite only, or somehow block people from reading unless i want them to? i love having you all and i want to keep you of course i just want to be selective about anyone else accessing it.....

bloggy friends i miss you:)

a little bit of nothing....

i am really enjoying music lately. i mean i've always liked music, but i feel really at peace when i am listening to it, like i can think inside my own head. thankgoodness hubby doesn't seem to mind me walking around with earphones in constantly....

i was thinking back about my approach to school and how different it is now that i already have my career. i mean like when i went back to school for nursing dom was 7 months old and there was a certain cense of urgency, like ok i have to get it right the first time....graduate on time...

now i am so lazy about it. i mean i do the work, but getting my bacherlors won't mean anything different for me except that i can then get my masters. no pay difference, no status difference. those aren't really bad things its just that there isnt that urgency....

anyone else go back to school after you already had a degree? how was it for you?


my patient the other night football tackled me the moment i walked into the room, she was sitting on the edge of the bed and as soon as i got in there she got me.....we were like slow motion as she leaned all her weight on me...

and we went backwards.....

and i frantically waved my arms reaching for something-anything

and as we were going down she was like "oh jineen, i missed you..."

yeah, um me too, now get off me and get your ass back in bed.....



later that same night...but different patient:

um nurse...

yes?

do you guys keep anything for a snack around here?

sure, what do you want?

some strawberries and whipped cream

oh yeah? i'm not sure if we keep that kind of stuff.....

well what else am i gonna use to convince you to be my girlfriend?


ahhh, yes the joys of being a nurse:)

i am already tired of the cold....

no i do not want some cheese to go with my whine, thankyou very much! i am jsut tired of the cold weather.



i realize the worst is yet to rear its ugly head and that 50 degrees maybe doesnt qualify as cold yet, but i am sick of it none the less. that added to the fact that i am generally so cheap and i live with two human heaters, that we don't turn on the heat until november. by bank account thanks me....



...my frozen hands do not.



i bought new clothes online for the little guy last week and they arrived yesterday. thankgod, cuz if i had to out one mroe pair of pants on him that only reached to his ankles and then pull up his ankle socks to cover the gap, i swear...

i am usually more prepared...blah blah blah, this year i'm not. well i wasn't. i am now:)
thinking of trying to sell the old clothes on craigs list. anyone ever done this before? they are in great condition and they are nice brands.....

so i have been using thisblog as therapy lately, and you all help so much. but i am wondering what are your thougths on an actual therapist? does anyone/has anyone ever been to one? pro
s/con's/thoughts on it?

be honest, i want to know.

i wish i had some fabulous story to tell, but i don't. i have been boring lately, mostly working. who isn't, right?

looking forward to halloween and trickor treating with my little guy:)

and this morning? well we are baking pumpkin face sugar cookies:)

out of the mouth of babes...

So sadly, i am not that interesting and I fear that those of you who are brave enough to be my friend on facebook and my bloggy friend as well may have already read this...

But i still can't stop laughing...

so my husband and son don't co-habitate in beds well. They tend to both be squirmers and floppers. and snorers and well, just not fit to nap together.

However, on the occasion that they still choose to share a bed, it always causes something for me to laugh about for days to come.

Upon waking last weekend from their nap this was the conversation i overheard:

dad: "dom, you kicked me while we were sleeping"

son: "well, daddy, all i have to say to that is, do you have any proof? because if not, then it never happened"

i swear, bloggy friends, i couldn't make this up.

sometimes, god just gives you a good laugh because its what you need. just as relieving as a good cry can be, so can a laugh:)

my son will be elvis for halloween. How does a 7 yr old even know about elvis, let alone care enough to want to dress up like him?

well, it all started with lilo and stitch. if you've ever seen it, then you know alot of songs are the kings. then move onto daddy seeing how much you like said songs because you run around the house singing them, and daddy decides to get some old elvis movies and watch them together. throw in some microwave popcorn and it is the stuff 7 yr olds dream of, a movie night with daddy.

so then said 7 yr old begins to impersonate elvis, and actually sounds like him. through some conversation, it turns out elvis is the current hero, far superior to any old spiderman or transformer costume.

for a mere $69.99, your son can not only look like the king, but he can stand there in his white jumpuit, offer you some burnin' love and then inform you that he got old and fat and died on the toilet while taking a poop.

ok, maybe the costume costs money and the extra info came from daddy. either way, the people handing out the candy in our neighborhood are gonna get more than they bargained for this year.

thankyou all for the much needed advice on the big things going on for me, i hate sounding whiney on here, my life is far from miserable, and i don't want this blog to turn into a place where i say woe is me all the time. come to think of it, i never want to say woe is me, but anyway...

sometimes i have to get it out, so thankyou for being there and coming back when i do have diarrhea of the mouth:)

a lot of thinking and alot of headaches

so, we went camping this weekend and it was so wonderful to get outside, away and be with my two favorite guys. It was exactly what i needed and miraculously the headaches stopped. It was beautiful and restful:)



then i came home and literally on the drive back i began to get a headache. I guess it is telling me that it has to do with work. if you read me, you may knwo that i have been having troubles at work lately and it is making me so upset and anxious it is all i can do to force myself to go.



That sucks big time since i love what i do. So my question for you all today is this: have any of you ever made a big move? job wise, house wise or whatever?



the reason i ask is because the facility i work at is pretty much the only option in the state. i amnot exaggerating:) so since we have weighed and measured the options and thought about what is actually holding us here, there isn't much except for this job. We have long thought we migth not stay here forever, and i guess i am thinking that maybe now is the time to move.



Of course except for the economy and whatnot. there are alot of htings to think about and i really am at a loss for what to do. the only things i know for sure are that work is not going to get better or change, and i am miserable there.



other than that, school is going well the first block class is finished as of one hour ago and so i am on my way:)



please be honest with your thoughts and input, i need as much advice as i can get:)

love ya

fashion post for saturday

alright so here we are, its saturday already and i swear i am losing time like old men lose hair.



so boots and jeans....



some of you weighed in with your thoughts, and armed with that i faced the week. I tried nearly every day to incorporate boots into my wardrobe, but i guess i just couldn't bring myself to step out the door with the pants tucked in. it may have helped if all my jeans weren't boot cut.



it also may have helped if i didn't have this fear of looking like i was ten times larger in the hips. when you are big already tucking pants into boots may cause an "oompa loompa like" image.



so, uggs would be my first choice to tuck. or black boots. both of which i own. in fact they are the only boots i own. but the black boots make my feet look pretty smal which only makes the contrast between them and my hips even worse. like maybe if you looked at me you might jsut wonder how i balance myself and stay upright. so i am left with the uggs.



so this week with boots over pants, was fun to learn that i enjoy watching other girls pull it off and i can't manage to get myself out with that style.

whats a girl to do?

so this week, i will broach the subject of the scarf. i own several now ever since i saw bigmama's scarf video last year, but i have only ventured out once with it. i actually liked it, and only felt a little self conscious...

so this week i am gonna try it a couple times. that is of course after we go camping:)
yup we are heading out to the wilds of .... well the wild. and we are gonna sleep and eat and...
well we are gonna do everything out there. we love camping and didnt get to go last year, so we are gonna make up for it this year, and i can't wait. only one night of work to make it thru and then we are off.
and now i am off to go shopping fo rhte supplies that we need, yes it is 12:30 am and we are shopping, what can i say...

i will leave you with this tidbit, today my son and i were having a mult-round challenge of candy land. he challenges me to a rematch any time i win because he really wants to end our games by winning the last game. so i was ahead of him for once and i was laughing and he looks up at me all serious and says " i wouldn't get too cocky mommy, you never know whats gonna happen in candy land."

was that a threat?

oh my goodness, if i don't pull out my hair or murder some innocent person, i may make it thru the day....

i am sorry bloggy bestest:( i have spent the better part of today being pissed.

okay, okay. maybe the better part of this week.

geez! kill me already, most of the last month or so.

work sucks. i am angry every day about it. just when i think it will let up, it sucks some more.

my wonderful hubby has listened to me bitch constantly about the injustices of the world for many days. I am so thankful for him. I am feeling like i have to be very careful on here right now, because god forbid someone from work finds this blog.....

i have enjoyed reading all of your blogs, laughing and forgetting for a moment my own troubles. and mr. jack daniels and i have become better aquainted.

i have started the post for my first fashion saturday thingy, about the boots and the pants.

oh yeah and then i realized i am not having the worst week ever.

one of my patients had some, uh...very swollen man parts. not the frank the beans. and then they burst. literally.

so, i guess it isn't so bad afterall........

i don't like flowers and dopey that much...

why is it that in mostly every store, the clothes for "plus sized" women have no shape and some kind of big ass flower or disney character on it? and why is a size 12 now considered plus size?

I went shopping yesterday for some business clothes. i have been going to some meetings for my job and there are two choices, business dress or scrubs. ok, i get it, no jeans and flips flops right? which is totally my thing. but, one does tend to feel alittle bit like an ass when you are the only one wearing scrubs. so, since these meetings aren't just gonna disappear, i guess i needed at least 2 pairs of dress "slacks" as my grandmother used to call them, and a few tops. now don't get me wrong, i wish i had some kind of fashion sense.

like those hookers fabulous girls who can throw together a look mixed up with trends and involving boots and scarf. i can see it in my head, and i try, i really do. the problem is when i see it in my head and then in the mirror, it never looks the same.

so i went to my favorite store these days, jc pennys. and can you believe it, i actually found pants that fit! and they weren't even teh same kind just in different colors! they were different kinds one in charcoal and one in black. the pants gods must have smiling down on me.

maybe it has to do with the fact that all my child hood shopping was at kmart and goodwill. or maybe the fact that once i moved on as an adult, my shopping places were old navy and walmart.
not that there is anythign wrong with those places, i guess its just kinda that as i expand my need for clothes and fabulous boots and attempt to throw myself together in a more mature fashion, they aren't gonna cut it anymore.

which brings me to jeans. i actually found a pair yesterday that fit! they looked good, fit good and were on sale. which meant i still paid about 50 bucks for them. but honestly, when thrown nest to 20 walmart jeans, it was obvious that there were worth the extra money.

now i sound snotty, and i don't mean to, i guess what had happened is this, since i am overweight, (maybe alittle less now than before) i never bothered to think i coudl still look nice. i jsut wore tshirts and jeans and went with it.
what i am finally figuring out is that i can look better even with the rolls. oh my god, did i jsut say that? so i am on a mission and you girls can join if you want. getting ever closer to thirty, i am determined that this will be my defining fashion era. i WILL look better, i WILL spend more on clothes and i WILL try new things.

boots over top of jeans? i am nervous but i want to so so so bad. any tips you have for this venture? i love shoes and heels and have a small collection that i have yet to put to good use out of fear of looking fatter.
so help me step out of my closet and into the fashion world! another blog you may know does fashion friday and though i am addicted to it and read it multiple times throughout the week, she takes questions and gives answers. i would rather do kind of like lets pick a weekly topic, you leave advice in the comments and then i will post it all together every saturday. are you in? i am gonna assume you are and claim the first topic to be the boots and jeans thing. any kind, any advice! let me have it!

and avoid all things characters and large neon flowers in clothes, that i am sure is sound fashion advice!

oh i knew so much when i was little

So, i am alive. i survived the diet and i have lived to tell about it. I lost 10 pounds and one week later have gained back three. i guess i expected it, water weight and all, so i am happy. except it was an entire wasted week spent praying for the end of the day, each and every day. now i am eating healthier though, which isn't a bad outcome....

so anyway, i have been consumed with school, and i guess that isn't getting any better, maybe i better get used to it....

and i had a big meeting with the boss, one on one today. I feel like i was honest, and he was honest. so ok. i still have a job, and i am gonna hang in there for now...

and i am getting a nicotine patch tonight. yes ladies, i want to quit smoking and i guess there is no better time. so from diet to no cigarettes i am a glutton for punishment. and by the way, if i ever talk about doing that diet again, remind me for the love of god...

DON'T DO IT JINEEN!

so, aside from all that boringness, have you ever opened your mouth, onlyl to find your foot firmly lodged in it?
there have been many times when my big fat mouth got me into trouble as a child. oh how i wish i still had that abillity to say whatever i wanted to whenever i needed to.



my birthday is may28th. it often falls somewhere on the memorial day weekend. so it is the unofficial start of summer. i have always know this.



pools open, people start going on vacation. it used to be that school was nearing an end, i guess not so much anymore, but used to be.



so like i said, i always knew my birthday represented the unofficial start of summer.



emphasis on the unofficial. which my mom kinda forgot to mention.



so i was playing with some other little girls from the apartment complex. all nice like on the front steps, back when you could go outside and play at the age of 6 and not worry about getting stolen by some pervert. your mom would call your name every now and then and as long as you answered you were good.



so anyway, some how we got to talking about the impending arrival of summer and this girl who was a year or two older than me said summer starts june 21st.



i was aghast. um, no dumbass it starts may 28th.



she informed me of my error and let me know in fact it started june21st.



i started yelling at her.



"no! my mom told me summer starts at my birthday and my birthday is may 28th!"



"no jineen, your birthday is a whole month before summer! you DO NOT have a summer birthday so hah!"



i burst into tears and ran into the house to seek assurance from my mother that i was in fact right, as usual.



guess what?



my birthday is that unofficial start of summer.



real summer starts june 21st.

please educate your may babies.

ugh

if i had a million dollars, i would say no thankyou. just a cheeseburger form the mcdonalds dollar menu please.

oh for the love of all things greasy, salty, tasty, yummy....well you get the idea.

i am at the end of day four and after eating three rather large bananas, if i ever see one again i am going to squish it into nonexistance in my fist.

i have drunk 4 glasses of fat free organic milk. loved that part.

i have had water and plain old non sweetened tea.

and now i want to go to bed and never think about it again.

i guess the whole point is to shrink my stomach and learn better portion control. oh yeah and clean myself out. which i have done.

four times over.

no weigh in tonight. i am home and would rather wait to use the same scale in the gym at work.

and i am doing homework. ugh.

starting school and a diet so close together, what a genius.

only 3 days left.

thank God.

help...can't...move.....

ok, maybe i am exaggerating....slightly.

so i am right in the middle of day three of this oh so fabulous new way to torture myself. yesterday was all veggie day. i woke up pissy. not literally or anything, but just irritated. i am sure it had to do with eating all fruits the day before and then hitting the gym in the morning.

So i woke up mad. and i got more and more irritated. i had to come into work and when i got here things were not as they should be, i tried to fix it and was cut short. which just made me cry. because lets face it when you are tired and hungry and not having your way, you cry. well at least i do anyway.

so by the time i got to work i was shaking and i knew my sugar had to be pretty low. on this diet you are allowed one small glass of juice, which i was saving, however i drank it and took some tylenol. after about an hour i perked up, much to the relief of my co-workers. and probably y patients.

i weighed in at 216.8 lbs, so that made me happy.

i ate carrots and broccoli and drank water. i was so busy at work i didn't even have time to eat at work. so i missed my beautiful baked potato. i made myself go to the gym and work it out, which i felt satisfied. then when i got home, it was pure
HEAVEN!

i ate my potato which was probably one of the best things ever consumed by me:) it was creamy and fabulous. i went to bed full and happy.

i woke up tonight and felt ok, no shakiness, which is good because there is no fruit juice as an option. i am raring to go knowing that the worst three days are almost over.

2 last things to mention:

i haven't crapped yet, which i find alittle odd, however since i am burning off more than i am taking in i guess i'm not worried yet,

and i weighed in tonight at: 214.1

i know, i know, mostly water weight, but hey, i'm not complainin"

if i can only make it through tonight, i am in the home stretch:)

i am alive, sort of....

ok, maybe i am being a bit dramatic, but i am allowed, i think i have consumed maybe 400-500 calories today and ran 2.5 miles at the gym, did 1 hours of school with the little guy and worked a 12 hour shift.

i am so dead tired, as soon as i finish this, i am going to dive into my bed and love my pillow like no one's business.

day one of the diet is done, all fruits, water, oh so yummy cabbage soup ( in that bland, barely tasting, will i be able to digest this? kind of yummy way)

6 more to go.

i weighed in at 218.5 pounds.

those are the facts and i wish i had more enoergy to put something funny in there, but i'm pooped.

speaking of which, i did let one of my favorite co-workers know, in advance fo rher sake, that this cabbage soup thing may not be so pleasant for her either come tonight when i really do start to digest.

at least i can take some joy out of the fact that instead of the patients being the stinky ones, it may just be me:)

why am i so sick and twisted?

oh, yeah, because i want a stromboli:)

keep your fingers crossed for me, tonight will start all veggies, soup and one baked potato, which i will try and save until 4 or 5 am (which is towards the end of my day) instead of scarfing it down while i am still taking my morning pee:)

i think i can, i think i can......

i'm sure you've heard of this one....

so in a few short hours the torture will begin, ladies and let me tell you it is all i can think about.

isn't that a fun way to start a post?

so i am doing this cleanse diet thing. i hate diets, and well really anything that limits my intake of food. of course since hubby and i got serious about healthy eating last november, i have been more careful about what i put in my body, i still love food.

but i need a metabolism jump start. i have hit a plateau, and after injuring my toe and knee, i am back in the gym and loving it. but, i also had vacation where i ate out a ton, and now i just feel.....icky.

so this diet i did when i was a teen in my quest to see the outlines of my organs through my belly, has resurfaced. of course now i am searching for the outline of my waist, not liver.

it is 7 days long, and tho i refuse to be stuck on a diet, but would rather change my eating habits all together, this "cleanse" while super hard, has been successful for me before. it is hard to finish, and i am thankful none of you will be within this state while i am doing it, because, well lets face it... i won't be pleasant.

i tried everything i could to cut down on the chances of a total melt down. i won't be pms-ing, and i will be working 5 out of the 7 nights. i think hubby summed it up perfectly when he said "oh thank god, for me, not your patients at work."

so babble, babble, babble....here it is

day one: all fruits as much as you want and cabbage soup (no banana's)

day two: all veggies, as much as you want and cabbage soup. (no beans, peas or corn) one med. baked potato with butter, no salt

day three: fruits and veggies and cabbage soup (no potato, banana's, peas, beans or corn)

day four: up to 8 banana's and 8 eight oz glasses of skim milk and....you guessed it cabbage soup

day five: up to 20 oz of ground beef and 6 tomatoes, cabbage soup

day six: up to 20 oz of ground beef and veggies (same no-no's as before) and cabbage soup and oh thank god, fruit juice-unsweetened

day seven: (if you are still alive) rice, fruits and veggies

the cabbage soup is homemade, there is a recipe.

so maybe you've heard of it, or even tried it. if you have, you know what i am in for. online it mentions one thing that deterred people was the amountof flatulence that occurs because of all the fiber. ha! can't wait!

so i am gonna try and blog about it, because i know you are just dying to know about my cleanse, and my farts.

i apologize in advance for anything i type that is less the pleasant. please excuse me fo rthe next 7 days as i try to rejuvenate my colon:)

abstract thinker....

so maybe you know, or maybe not, but i homeschool my son. he is in second grade this year and i choose to keep him home for many reasons. i am not a fanatic or anything, i just think that for elementary school and for this particular kid, it is the right choice. and i dooo have some education in, well.... education.

so anyway we are in week 2 and i always start out the year much more disciplined and end up slacking off a bit towards the end. not terribly, but i tend to not be as strict, because honestly, after about 160 days of school i am tired too!

but this year seems to be more fun, his brain i swear has grown and his ability to process and spit back out info is amazing to me.

i am sure many children are like this, but since i am teaching jsut the one, i am gonna pretend like he is the smartest, bestest second grader ever.

anyway....
so we are doing school work today, math, trying to review from last year and jump into the harder stuff, and seeing as how we were just on mini-vacation it makes it that much harder. but i had a choice... do my own homework, or make the kid do his work.

being mom of the year that i am, i chose to sacrifice and make him do his.

so anyway, he was getting to the end and i always like to end with something alittle easier than the beginning that way he is tired, but feeling like he accimplished something and he'll be excited next time...

so the last thing is to do some addition and color the spaces according to the answer. so he wa moving along nicely. once he began to figure out that the picture was going to be a bird, he stopped coloring and looked up at me and said" mommy, this looks like it is going to be a bird."

and i agreed.

" mommy? do you think this bird is happy?"

it kinda shocked me for a second. like of all the things he could ask, he wanted to know if the bird was happy. was it enough for this bird to sit on the page being colored by a child and be happy for its life.

he is full of statements liek that giving feeling and life to things that are inanimate. or bringing up some question about how someone or something feels, when it never would have occurred to me.

now i consider myself pretty empathetic and caring, and in the profession i am in, i think it is a good thing. but this kid blows me away.

i always wondered if parents could see one type or another of a certain, i don't know, "specialty" for lack of a better word, in their children. like an affinity for math, or painting, or whatever. and of you could see it, would you foster it?

like ok, everyone has to know spelling and reading and math,but if your child, like mine, has such an artistic, abstract side to them, would you encourage them to develop it? like painting classes, art classes, mucis classes to try and find their niche?

i don't feel that i really had this. my dad loved football and raised my brother to love it as well. he played on childrens leagues and whatnot, and of course in highschool but then when it was over, he was so deflated. and he had always measured his self worth and my fathers love for him in his ability to perform at football. once it was done.......

i don't really feel like i was necessarily stunted, but not really encouraged to be more than the norm. like i was always good at school and so my parents always pushed me to achieve more academically, but i feel that their is so much more. but i don't know where to start... liek i feel much more artistic and able to do much more.

so my whole point is this, how should i proceed. i want to encourage him to grow and explore and learn so much more than reading, writing and arithmatic. any stories/advice fromm you all? about yourselves or kids of you have them?

a little of this and a little of that.....

so we are away, again. i say that for your benefit,as if you may be jealous that we seem to have an overflow of outings this year. i certainly don't mind...

we have been fortunate to get away, and with 2 more years of school pretty much year round, there won'tbe much escaping from here on out....unless, well i may be able to squeeze something in here or there....

anyway, i spent today sitting comfy next to this guy.......

while this guy.......

ran around......

digging in the sand and.......

collecting priceless rocks...

tonight two things happened. at very opposite ends of the spectrum. we went out to dinner at one of our favorite spots to eat when we are here. they treat us well, the food is always excellent and our little guy loves it! he is a sweet kid, and tho i know you are thinking i am biased, i have to tell you, if you met him, i am sure he would charm you as well:) he is sweet and mild mannered and everything a kid should be. his smile lights up a room and his antics are hilarious.

ahem....

back to my story...

i very much enjoy hanging out with my kid. except when he is whining, or being annoying, or getting o my nerves, or whatever. mostly i love being around him. we are goofy together and i love hearing the things he comes up with....such as this.....

so we are in the middle of dinner, enjoying eachother and our food immensely. and my son turns to me and the following comes out of his mouth:

"i wish you could just make a concert mommy, and then move on. "

me: um, ok.....

"well what you're talking about is a one hit wonder."

me: what's that?

"well, it's when you have a concert about any kind of song, then after the concert the singer has a big diva tantrum. and before you know it, the song ends up as elevator music. then they have a reunion concert and after that? they never sing again, and no one remembers them!"

my son, the musical genius:) which leads me to the other part of our meal.

right before our entree's arrived, a family sat at the table next to us. a mom, dad, approx 5 year old and a newborn. the dad immediately began asking about $0.35 wings and beer specials. the mom began staring over at our table, mroe specifically, at me. she wasn't even hiding it. i am sure i don't know her because i am one of those people who recognizes people from kindergarten.

anyway, i figure maybe she is looking at our food that has just arrived and is trying to see what it looks like.

meanwhile, my son and i are mildly dancing to the music, in our seats. just kinda bobbing our heads. their 5 yr old is cracking up at us. she continues with those bizarre stares, only now i detect that she is, i don't know, disgusted by us? like, she looks like she thinks we are being obnoxious. only i swear we aren't being loud, or knocking things over, or anything. just laughing to ourselves.

for our drink, since neither of us was driving, we ordered a pitcher of margherita's, which between hubby and i usually means 2 for me and 3 for him. in a smaller size glass. with a big meal. you get the point, i was by no means drunk, or really even intoxicated since i was only about 1 glass in.

(quick background here, i have an uncanny ability to imitate many people, including real life and cartoon charatacters)

so i sneezed 3 times in a row and for the fourth one, i thought i would crack my kid up and sneeze like donald duck. it worked and he was laughing, hysterically. albeit, covering his mouth and cracking up. because he has manners. and he knows not to stare and disrupt others.

well, the ugly, skanky, bitch young lady with 2 children next to me thought i was past my limit and let her husband know, not so quietly, that i was drunk. that i should stop drinking. and she continued to stare at me even more blatantly and longer looking like she was sure i was drunk and a terrible mother.

and, tho she doesn't know this part, i can read lips. why? well thats another story, but i can. and she proceeded to talk about me with her husband who wished he was at hooters. probably for more than just the $0.35 wings and draft beer specials.

anyway, i wasn't drunk and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. i would never be drunk in front of my kid. i jsut enjoy making him laugh. and being goofy with him. i lvoe my family and am not ashamed if everyone else can tell.

she really hurt my feelings, more over i felt like i had to be quiet and not drink anymore just to prove to some loose vagina, too-tight tanktop, redneck judemental young lady that i wasn't drunk, just naturally a fun mommy.

i wanted to stare back at her, or do something passize aggressive, like talk about HER while we were still within ear shot.

but i didn't. because i have manners. i guess we got the last laugh tho, the guy that runs the place is pretty fammiliar with us at this point and so on our way out, her grabs my little guys hand and asks us to hang on. he runs next door to the gift shop and out comes my little man with his own t-shirt bearing the restaurant logo. a present for the sweetest little kid around, all within eyeshot of the rudest, fat whore mother young lady with the staring problem.

and my kid had the biggest smile:)

me too:)

we can't get enough of this place.....

early on saturday, we set out on an adventure........




we walked shoes in hand.....
through sand and surf.....

we found treasures.......

and a helping hand........

the view was breathtaking......

and we loved being together.....

while the waves crashed all around.....

i love family time.....

the one in which she rants and raves (this is long, i'm not gonna lie)

so one of my very near and dear friends is getting married in may 2010. she is beyond excited, as am i :) i have never been in a wedding nor have i been asked to help plan one, and here i am with both of those honors for a woman who is truly beautiful inside and out.

today we had an appointment to look at bridesmaids dresses, we made the appointment because there are 7 of us not including the bride and we wanted some individual attention, all shapes and sizes are we. the bride was very liberal in saying she wants a specific color and length but the style is completely up to each of us.

so we get to said place exactly on time and are shown to our consultant.

who shows us half a rack length of dresses that are the length we want and then stands there while we root through. we inquire as to alterations, sizing, etc. and "she doesn't know, she'll have to loook it up" is the answer to every question. we then decide on a few dresses each and request the dressing room. she tells us we will have to double up because there are alot of people in the store and she can't spare more than 2 dressing rooms.

umm.....ok isn't that why we made an appointment? don't we have some precedence over walkins? guess not. so we start trying on only to discover that she was wrong, the sizes do run small. exactly 2 sizes too small for each person. maybe the 7 of us were the only ones in the world that didn't know our sizes.

so she goes and gets us the correct sizes and meanwhile we are milling about in front of our dressing rooms (just the 2) and people are everywhere!

so she comes back and we get the right sizes on and start appraising eachother and turn around to ask her opinion and again inquire about length and alterations and she is with another group. giving them her full attention. add insult to injury and another consultant walks by and says "suck itin ladies there are other people here." um, i'm sorry are we in your way? are we taking up too much room in our two meager dressing rooms while we wait for our double booked consultant?

we decide that they haven't done anything to deserve our business and we have other appointments to try. so we walk to the front to speak with the manager. we inform her of the things going on and tell her at 200 bucks per dress we expected a little more attentiveness.

she lets us know they are always this busy on weekends and for a group as large as ours we should have booked an appointment during the week. she adds to that it would have been a better idea to make the appointment for a "bridal party" instead of "the bridesmaids" because then they would have know we wanted individualized attention.

wtf?

so ok. we go outside and collect ourselves. lets get lunch.

we go to a restaurant between the place we were just at and the next place. we get there at 1:15pm. we are seated and our waiter says hello and leaves. then 5-6 mins later he comes back and takes our drink order. 10 mins later he comes backwith our waters and cosmos and various other drinks. then he leaves. 15 mins later he comes back and takes our appetizer order. i decide in favor of my diet i will skip the appetizer and go with the regular meal, so i order nothing. everyone else gets appetizers. it's now 1:45pm

our appetizers come out about 10 mins later. everyone digs in and i sip my drink feeling so smug for sticking to my diet. (ha!) one girl ordered mini crab cakes and found a flying bug in her tarter sauce. she asked for the manager and the manager (after running back to the kitchen for less than 2 mins) announces that there are no bugs in the kitchen and the bug must have come from the dining area. no sorry, the girl requests them to take it back and replace it which they do.

we site there about 10 more mins and finally it is 2:10pm and he comes and takes our order for our meals. we are starting to feel like um, ok is this taking an abnormally long time? whatever, i'm starving.....

so now it's 2:30 pm and our food isn't here yet. we have to be 30 mins up the road by 4pm and still no food.

so now it's 2:45 pm and the manager comes out with a tray, but we wave her down and let her know we would like our check, forget the entrees, people who came after us have come and gone, we need to leave. she says 'but i have your fish tacos...."

we tell her no thankyou, send it back.

she stomps off without a word.

the kitchen manager comes out and apologizes. he hears our complaint and then tears up our bill and says the whole thing is on him today and please don't hold it against the restaurant.

we leave.

i can't believe we went through all that, and i ate nothing. i was starving! but more than that, why is it that customer service apparently isn't really service at all anymore. the guy didn't have to comp our whole bill, we would have paid for what we ate, but at least someone seemed concerned with pleasing us.

ao anyway very long story a wee bit shorter, the next place had nothing for us either, tho their service was great. then one last place which is actually another location for the first one and jackpot! so alls well that ends well, but my goodness!

so, any horrible customer service stories of your own?

hair cuts, you ate what?

so i don't really have too much interesting to say. i wish i did. i swear all throughout the day things will happen and i'll think, oh i have to blog about that, but when i actually grab 5 mins to sit down, i can't remember a single thing. so instead i am choosing to write about random things that have popped into my blank little head.

i apologize in advance....

my son has been getting his hair cut by the same girl since he was one. she is a miracle worker as he has some VERY STRANGE cowlicks. 2 in the front and all the hair on the entire left side of his head grows from his ear forward. i can't get into my theories on why right now, but i promise i didn't drink or smoke when i was pregnant. much.

just kidding.

sort of.

no really, i didn't. i abstained completely.

so anyway, she cuts his hair every 8 weeks for 10 bucks. it doesn't get much better than that. i wish my own mother had seen the benefit of a hair dresser. however, she saw the benefit of a free hair cut.

at home.

with kitchen scissors.

over the sink.

all my childhood i dreamed of long hair, beautiful and shiny, cascading down my back.

all my childhood i had a choppy short hair cut. at least she added layers.

if by layers i mean an angle starting at my ear and unevenly angling down to a point just below my shoulders. with bangs.

sort of.

don't worry i got her back though.

i refused to brush my hair from age 9 to 13. with all those tangles no one could even tell how uneven my hair was.

or that kitchen shears were involved.

when my husband and i got married we had a dog. a german rottweiler named zoey. she was the runt of the litter, but by the time she was 6 montsh you never would have known. she was a sweet heart and easy to live with. we adored her, our first child and loved to spend time with her.

she was easy to house train. as a puppy, her owners trained her to poop on a cement pad, which i guess made it easy for clean up after so many dogs. so.... by the time we got her at 3 months, she wouldn't poop anywhere else. we would walk in the park and she would run to the side walk to poop.

we loved everything about her.

the only thing that ever went wrong was shortly after we got married, my underwear started disappearing.

literally, i was dwindling down to such a bare minimum of pairs that i began to wonder if my husband was stealing them.

and wearing them.

just kidding.

again.

so anyway, it finally became apparent that someone was responsible for the missing crotch covers. someone or.....

something....

one day we left and had to turn right around and come home to get something or other and we solved the mystery.

the dog was using her mouth to open my middle top drawer and take out a pair of underwear, which she then chewed to pieces and ate. then she jumped up on my side of the bed and laid ther contented.

seems she had been responsible all along as her various piles of doggy doo contained brightly colored strands of fabric.

ew.

we had to start closing the door.


so now you know two things about me that you never knew before.

i had home haircuts and a panty eating dog.

don't you feel fulfilled?

oh girlies i have missed you so:)

so i am not even gonna lie, i haven't yet been able to catch up on everyones blogs:( i have been reading and reading but i'm not even half way there. and i start school tonight, so i figured to hell with it, i love you all and i am gonna read but i have to post, it's now or never. or at least another week.



my fingers have been itching for this moment, and finally the time has come. not that i had something spectacular to share, i just miss sharing.



vacation was fabulous and i felt so rested after that i had a well thought out plan to win the lottery so that i could be on vacation forever. i knew the powerball was climbing and there was even a 7-11 on the way to work. i grabbed my 3 bucks and marched in, dollar signs in my eyes. bought my tickets and tucked them safely in my pocket.



all night i dreamed of sunfilled days spent lounging about while my private chef created sumptuous meals that were both yummy AND healthy. my little guy would have private tutors instead of homeschooling mommy and daddy, and a personal trainer who really could work miracles with this belly.



needless to say, when i didn't even get one number.......



i quit my gambling habit and went back to work.



and worked



and worked



and worked.



i also slept and ate. ohyeah and dragged myself back to guinevere, who did not let me get by without a severe lashing for staying away so long. i tried to tell her about the broken toe, but she isn't capable of sympathy.



my son asked me did i have any goodluck charms to help me with the lottery and i said no...and he said well what is goodluck anyway? i explained and he then let me know that i had several options to choose from...



" well mommy, pennies, horse shoes, 4 leaf clovers, ladybugs, a lucky rabbits foot or dice could help."



uh, dice?



"yeah, so you can roll snake eyes."



his knowledge of canada and luck are impressive.



now i want to get personal.



i want to talk about something that maybe some or many of you may relate to in some way or another.



facial hair. how much do you have? how do you get rid of it and how often? tell me, please. i have only in the past few years felt like i had more than when i was a teen and after a nasty chemical burn on my chin from nair that left me looking like i was beat by my husband, i am searching for ways, costs, at home vs. professional, help!



and so ladies i am gonna catch up on you all some more......





jineen

since you've been gone.....

ok since i've been gone......

well what had happened was...... 2 weeks before we left to go on vacation, the computer stopped working. i dont mean it was slow, i don't mean we couldn't get it to do what we wanted i mean

IT WOULDN'T EVEN TURN ON!

how can this happen to a computer less than a year old? who knows. My husband took it to best buy and that warranty that they convinced us we needed for 200 extra bucks? well it turned out to be pretty worth it because the entire mother board was FRIED! now, i don't really know what that means, but from the look on the face of the geek squad guy, it was pretty serious.

They expected us to get it back the day before we left and i was pretty happy about that. Sadly until that time i wouldn't be able to let you know i was still here as i had no access to a computer. even more sad was the fact that it took even longer to fix and we just got it back 2 days ago when we got home from the beach.

i truly appreciate everyone missing me and thining of me and i am super sorry that i couldn't let you know what happened.....

but i am back, rested and i still get to keep the 800 dollars it would have cost to fix the computer because that stinkin warranty was all inclusive. things never happen that way for me...

so now i have worked two 12 hour shifts and i have two more to go. But i figured i better show my face sooner rather than later. or at least show my typing. you know what i meant.

so i think i will spend the next few days catching up on how you all have been doing and just to make it easier, i will post comments on whatever your most recent most happens to be from all the ones i missed. then i can fill you in on me.

age before beauty:)

i will say vacation was fabulous and i am rockin a freakin awesome tan:)

love to you all and thanks for missing me, i sure missed you!

i'm sorry ladies but i'm not eating rainbows and pooping butterflies today...

.....ok, well to be perfectly honest, i never do that, but my husband says something along those lines about well, i don't know, but when he says it, his tone is sarcastic. so anyway, my point is that i am not happy today. well that's not true. i am happy but there is something alittle unpleasant brewin' round here and yours truly is smack dab in the middle.

all i can say is i choose to be honest no matter what.

some serious sh*t is going on at work and some higher ups are getting their just dessert, and sadly someone, not naming names, is the one with some of the evidence. in a way it makes me look bad because i repeated some things that were told to me. why did i repeat them? well they were concerning my very dearest friends and they weren't true. i tried to tell the person it wasn't true. they weren't believin it. if that was all, i wouldn't have cared.

i am sure you can guess it wasn't all.

it led to issues being raised and some heavy duty slander going on. i cannot stand by and watch that happen. so, i took further action.

now i look like the bad guy to some higher ups, and i had to reveal a somewhat friend for what she is. i feel lousy about that, buthonestly it is me or her. and i have no doubt in my mind she will protect herself and so i am doing the same. plus i value honesty and i can't live with myself if i tell a lie.

so now you may be thinking i am cut throat. its ok, a part of me hangs my head in shame at the thought of giving someone else up to save myself. but it isn't just myself, it is 5-6 other people. and this person is a close aquaintance. not a close friend.

now i am really sounding jumbled, but the truth of the matter is, i fear that in some way one of themmay find this blog and i am not begging for trouble.....

so anyway, now i am off for 2 days and i intend to enjoy it to the fullest. i played moon aliens with my little guy, please do not ask me to explain the dynamics of this game, suffice it to say, we are on the moon and we are fighting aliens and cops. there is a hospital that we must protect and we each have a weapon. for some reason we fight eachother with these weapons. want to know who wins?

well my son/co-alien-fighter has the hose as his weapon (with a spray nozzle attached) .....

i have a bubble gun.

we also at some point drew circles on the walkway with sidewalk chalk and those were the CIRCLES of FIRE, which incidently, were not mentioned or used thereafter in the "game".

i quite enjoy this game outside as i am getting a nice golden tan and also spending time with the midget that resides in my home. sometimes this pidget gives me lots of hugs and tells me he loves me.

some times he shits in my bed (in a pull up) and i am forced to wash the sheets to get rid of the smell. NOTHING EVEN LEAKED FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

i would like to tell you one more thing before i let you run away from this babbling...

my son has an imaginary friend. he feels it is necessary to keep this friend since he doesn't have a brother or sister. his friends name is one. the friend has a wife named ten. together they have a son and a daughter. the son's name is two and i forget the daughters name. one comes with us on trips to florida, camping and the beach. usually his wife and children do not join us. this summer however, i am curious what will happen when we leave for vacation in less than 3 weeks because one is spending the summer in china.

what does an imaginary friend do in china, all alone and without his family?

well, he eats chinese food and plays rock paper scissors of course.

i wish i still had my imagination.

ahhh, i love summer...

it's true, summe ris my most favorite time of the year, though i truly love all the season. i love the smell of summer, the feel of the hot sun, the tan on my skin, eating frozen popsicles out side....

i just love summer.......

lately ladies, i am having a hard time with confidence. i never really had a ton of it it to begin with and now i am jsut struggling. Sometimes i think well, ok i actually do think i am pretty good at.....fill in the blank.... but the problem for me is that i can't express it because what i others don't feel the same way? so maybe my problem isn't with confidence, maybe my problem is that i care about what others think a little too much....

i want people to like me, i always have been the people pleaser type. it makes me angry because it seems that no one else is bending over backwards the way i am .......

any advice? i have long been struggling with this, always worried about what others think, i want to just be me, and yet for some reason i guess because people don't expect that forthrightness from me they are doubly shocked when they get it.

whatever....

so this morning i knew the day might be rough when i woke up to the smell of shit. very stinky poo.

i had a strong sense this may be coming from the 7 year old laying asleep next to me, i was also strongly hoping it wasnt me and for some reason i had lost control of my anal sphincter in the night....

i guess i was pretty sleepy because i got up and peed and kept thinking, "geez, it really smells." i smelled my tanktop and i could smell it so strongly......

where did this mystery shit stink come from?

yup, it was that beautiful fruit of my loins making his own sweet perfume in his sleep. in my bed!

hubby and son decided to have a sleepover last night when i fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a phone conversation with my friend. yeah, i know i am so good at listening....

she was talking and i was tired, don't judge me, i am mother of the year, not friend....

anyway, they decided to leave me drooling and snoring on the couch while they got comfy on my pillow. at some time in the night i wandered back there, got into pajamas, took out my contacts and went to bed. i guess i didn't bother washing my face which just proves that buying that black pillow case was a smart idea because there was mascara and eyeliner ALL OVER my face.

well, apparently little guy has been having some serious constipation this week and daddy has adjusted his laxatives accordingly and now....

swamp ass 6 times today, beginning with this morning in my bed. thankgod he had a pullup on....

i haven't exercised in almost 2 weeks because of my toe, which hurts more now than when i first broke it! but i am determined to get back on track this week. looking for some new recipes to try as well....

i am looking for some good books to read and some peeps to join me in a book club. some of you expressed interest before,and that made me happy but now it has been a while and i am wondering are you still up? we can make it as little commitment and work as you want, if you are, please email me....dont' use my one set up for this blog though....use lizlovey@hotmail.com :)

i wish i had some earth shattering news to share, but alas, i live the life of a typical person and therefore have nothing fabulous to share, maybe i'll get that bikini wax this week so i can spice things up...

i am in a silly mood....

i can't quite put my finger on why.....

maybe its because i got to spend another day in the sun with my little one, or maybe because i slept for 10 hours last night, or maybe because i know vacation will be here in less than a month....

i have to tell you one of my most favorite, enjoyable things in life is this scenario...

wake up in the morning, sunshine pouring through the white curtains(which i have) and i am snuggled in my white sheets and white down comforter with the air cold....

i get my little one breakfast and have a smoothie made from soymilk, frozen strawberries and banana....

i read my book while he watches cartoons...

then we go outside and play the day away in the hose, with bubbles and sidewalk chalk, eat popsicles, and just bask in the warmth of the sun...

then when we come in and get showered and the airconditioner is cold, and we have some lunch and then just cuddle on the couch and he tells me about his dreams and thoughts....

yup ladies it doesn't get any better than that:)

i am feeling particularly important today because i am thinking back to when i first started blogging and had no idea that there were so many other bloggers out there! that would follow and comment if you followed and commented on them too! and now i feel like i find a treasure when i log on here and see that someone took the time to read and comment on something i had to say. each and everyone of you is so important to me:)

i don't know if you ever sit around and think about your childhood but i do sometimes, and my husband was there for a lot of it so he totally gets how my family was. we never had much money, but my mom tried her hardest back then. i was telling my husband how umbro shorts were the thing to have for a while. all my friends had them and i wanted them so bad. i mean soooo bad! but we couldn't afford them. my dear sweet mother went to the kmart and got me ....

umbra's.

you know the kmart brand of the cool thing?

i hated them and refused to wear them. i would rather go without than wear something so obviously not right.

looking back, i feel kinda bad that my mom at least tried and i shunned her efforts, but seriously, what would the kids with the real umbro's have thought?

besides, i had all the jellies in every color, so i was cool anyway. remember jellies?

always the trendsetter back in the days of elementary school i started one trend that i am sure will go down in the history books as the best fashion statement a second grader can make....

each day of the week we had an "elective" class and by that i mean library, art, gym etc....
well this little genius decided that on gym day, just to make it easy to be both sporty and cute, i was going to wear one dress shoe and one sneaker. it was totally fabulous and didn't look at all silly. i could be playing 4 square one second and flirting with boys the next.....i wore matching socks, of course. all the girls soon picked up this fashion statement and pretty soon i was known throught the land.....

of course i had my embarrassing moments as well. when i was in kindergarten, at the end of the day the teacher would pick out a few kids to come to the front of the class. they would then get to do some exercise/show thing that consisted of pretending they were in a bubble. i have no idea what we were really doing, or if my teacher was high on crack, but whatever. the point is...you wanted to be one of those kids. finally, FINALLY it was my turn. and i was so cute that day in my white stockings and my dress, my homemade hair cut and of course one jellie and one sneaker. i raised my hand to be picked and she picked me! i had to pee really bad and asked if i could go before we started. she said no because there wasn't time.

so anyway, i get up there and i am totally doing my bubble thingy when all of the sudden i felt something warm. yup. i was freakin peeing. all down my leg. and with white stockings? i was so pissed. literally.

then there was the time in 1st grade and again in 4th when i pretended that my birthday was the day before the actual day because i didn't want to share it with this kid who had a wart on his chin. he had a really big head too and a buzz cut perpetually grown out alittle too much which, in my opinion only made his head look bigger and more bobble like. i also refused to give him a valentines day card because i thought he had a crush on me. turns out years later, he is gay. i totally have no problem with that. in fact had i known.....i might have been a bit more nice, maybe even shared our birthday.

and my biggest nemesis of all? the free lunch.

there were four of us. and my parents. if you aren't that good at math, 6 total.

we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. then a 3 bedroom townhouse. we always had clothes.i am not trying to sound ungrateful. all my friends had packed lunches. but not me. i had free lunch. which means the government basically decided we fit into the poverty category and gave me a hot meal at lunch monday through friday. not unlike jail. except we had construction paper art on the walls, and we got to go home at the end of the day. anyway....

every day at lunch time my friends with their fabulous packed lunches would sit down and open their little treasure chests to reveal the delicious goodies within.....

one girl would have tomato soup in a thermos (it was still hot!) and a cheese sandwhich with friut snacks to boot, one would have yogurt with an icepack next to it (it was still cold!) and grapes and pretzels and a mini candy bar..... and they would all have money to get chocolate milk.

i had to walk through the line at school and get my cooled off, gray hamburger with no lettuce of even cheese, pile of "steamed garden fresh veggies" and fruit cup. these lunches cost 90 cents and with the extra 10 cents i could have gotten a chocolate milk. except since mine was already free, there was no change. then we had to go thru to the register and kids would hand over their dolalr, or give their name for the pre-paid list (their parents paid a month at a time) and then little free-lunch me. I tried to escape by calling out pre-paid and bee lining it for the other side of the room which actually worked for a few days until one really mean old bitch very nice old lady called me back and told me quite loudly in front of everyone that prepaid meant she had to cross me off a list and so since i had free lunch i couldnt be yelling pre-paid and running away......

needless to say i was mortified, but no one really noticed. or at least they had some manners and waited to get home and ask their mothers what in the heck a free lunch was.

years later, i remember talking to friends about it (not the same ones) and they mentioned how they wish they could have had the school lunch not a packed lunch and how a free lunch would have even been cooler....

so funny how for a kid it always seems greener.......

so anyway, it seems as if i was kinda mean at times when i was a kid.....but don't judge, after all i did grow up to be mother of the year, and i think that more than makes up for not sharing my birthday with the warty, chia pet kid.

i am as clumsy as ever....

yes ladies it's true, i said it yesterday and i'll say it again, i broke my toe. the itty bitty little baby one. i was running like a nut to get out of the house and get to work on time and ran right into a weight machine. i am not sure why my spatial vision has failed me, but it did a long time ago and these little accidents are not really uncommon for me. yet actually breaking it.... thankfully i work at a hospital and a doctor friend there taped me up as good as new. sort of.

when it started to swell and cut off circulation i had to change the tape....then it turned all kinds of pretty black, purple and red and i gave up looking at it.

then something wonderful happened! i opened my front door and a brown box was sitting on my deck waiting for me. it was my candle from sarah and i was so excited i started to jump up and down until i felt the pain in my foot and remembered oh yeah, my toe. but i clapped my hands instead and grasped the box close to my chest and did not look at all like a terrorist when my husband found me sitting on the deck like that.

this was a hard week at work and tuesday night i was at my wits end! so i decided to lift everyone's spirits and make an iced coffe bar. now realizing the limits of both my coffee making abilities and also our break room at work i cleaned it up, brewed a pot of double strength coffe, set out big cups of ice, sugar, sweet and low and creamers all pretty like and then invited people to come on in a relax with an iced coffee.

so silly, i know and really not at all fancy, but everyone really seemed to perk up afterwards. i'm sure it had nothing to do with the double strength coffee coursing through their veins....

i am off work until monday night now and really looking forward to relaxing with my guys at home....soaking up some sun...dinner out tonight with my girlfriends....and not working! did i mention noto working. this always happens to me when it gets to be less than a month before vacation. i just keep thinking about being away and i guess i get a little crabbier about work....

so i have two things i want to dicuss and beg for your opnion/advice/comical stories about...

the first is bra shopping. a few years ago some genius decided it might be a good idea to give me a victorias secret credit card. and since then, they also decided that every couple of months they should increase the limit to entice me to buy more. it was really a veyr clever plan for them because back then i couldn't fit into anything they sold. guess they weren't prepared for me to lose some weight. the first big purchase i made was to buy my ugg boots after hearing how much cammie loved hers....
then as i lost some weight i started to buy some underwear, then i bought a bra.

well ladies, that was the beginning of the end. it was the best bra i ever bought. it loved my girls the way no other bra ever has. so recently i bought a few more and i was stuck on how to measure for one. i went to a couple of websites, did some measuring and finally decided to go with a slightly smaller band size and bigger cupsize.

it totally worked. I am in love with the lift and curve of this bra! so i want ot know your preference. i like lightly lined, underwire and lots of colors to choose from. what do you like? any specific bands?

and nwo to my next question. maybe a year ago i discovered the blessing of waxing my eyebrows and mustache/chin hairs ahem....extraneous hairs. then of course, the place i went to closed and i discovered the microwave wax kist. which i was skeptical about. turns out they aren't half bad, but i really prefer for someone else to rip out hair on my face. it is pretty hard to inflict that kind of torture on yourself regularly. so anyway....

i am going ot the beach in less than a month and i am so tired of shaving......down there. yup my vagina. not the whole thing, because i am not 10 and do not wish to look so, of course if you do that's great and more power to you, but me, not so much. but i also don't wish to feel like a band of tiger mosquitoes has taken over my crotch either which is usually the result of hair removal via razor. so .....

i want to get a bikini wax. but i also do not want to get herpes. if the place is clean, i think i might survive. i am also afraid of what it will feel like. or look like.

so any advice on down there hair removal.

i have tried nair. i curse whoever invented it. i got a chemical burn twice! so i am thinking since i am not rich and cna't afford laser treaments, waxing is my answer. help me out girls give me the lowdown!

hope you are having a great week! i will raise my drinking glass to you all weekend long!

i am still here....

oh ladies how i have missed you all, and i have been reading you over the past few days to keep myself sane, but haven't had much time to comment, i am sorry for that and will remedy it shortly, but for now i will leave you with this, the last few days have been hard, and i am tired.

i have broken a toe, worked 36 hours in less than 3 days, cried, yelled, smiled and cried some more.....

there are pictures and fun things i want to tell you and show you and stories to laugh at, but that is just a teaser because i have a phone call to make and then off to bed, but ....

thankfully i have 5 days off now and i

CAN'T WAIT!

so first to catch up some sleep and then to catch up on some blog.....

you know those days when it really feels like summer? one of those perfect, long summer days?

.....well my friends i had one today:) i woke up technically at about 11pm monday night.....cuz i am nocturnal and that's how i roll. i spent several hours on the computer, ordering new bra's from v. secret and reading all of your bloggy business:)



then this morning i went for a run:) it was already hot and some dumbasswonderfully smart girl thought she should wear sweat pants to get that little bit of extra sweat out......yeah i don't think i'm gonna talk to her anymore, she isn't very nice.



wheni got home, the day was dawning to be clear and beautiful, and so i decided to work on my magda look (ok not really and if you don't know who i am talking about....don't worry it isn't that funny anyway...)



i got in my swim suit and pu tmy little guy in his and pranced out the door without a care in the world also grabbed bubble refills, the bubble gun, sidewalk chalk, a book, a towel, put two bottles of water in the freezer, sun block, tan accelerator, made sure the freezer pops were stocked up and frozen and last but not least my smiling babe.



we spent hours out there, soaking up the sun, splashing in the hose, laughing and just having some really nice mommy/son time.



when we came in we showered up and lotioned up and once we smelled sufficiently sweet and clean, i made us lunch.



we set up a picnic on the living room floor since the wind outside was picking up. Yum...we had soybutter and jelly sandwiches on whole wheat bread, bbq chips and nectarines, washed down into our tummies with refreshing water:)



it was so gret to hold a conversation with my little guy and really try and get a peak into his world. he wanted to know some stories about me when i was a kid so i told him some memories and asked him some of his favorite ones.....



then when we were finished, we snuggled on the couch and this conversation ensued..



dom: mommy? i heard some people on t.v. calling their parent's parents gradmaw and grandpaw, but aren't they mommom and poppop?



me: well, yeah, it means the same thing. i know some people who call them meemaw and peepaw.



dom cracks up at that: can you call the teetaw and seesaw? ( why oh why does he make things up like that?)



me: i guess you could call them whatever you want, poopoo and peepee. i don't think they would like it very much, but i guess yo ucould if you wanted to.



dom is laughing again



me: i think it might sound kinda weird to be running around saying i love you poopoo.



dom: yeah and peepee! (still laughing)



me: they might not let you come in the house calling them that, they might make you stay out on the deck.



dom: yeah, an be shameful of what you said!



i don't know why the word shameful made me get the giggles, but we were rolling around laughing for a while.



i also was talking to him about people and why they say the things they said. he looked up at me and said" mommy, everyone's a critic huh"



it kinda hit me because he's right. everyone likes to speak their mind and say what they want, but woe is you if you dish it back to them.



anyway, it is my nephew's birthday today, he turned 6. he is a sweet kid, but i really don't get to see him often. his father ( my brother ) and his mother, they are divorced. and neither of them has custody. the maternal grandparents do, though my brother has regular bisitation with them. so anyway i got my nephew on the phone and wished him a happy birthday and told him i love him. he said two things, one was can i talk to dom?



no honey dom is sleeping.



oh ok.



are you having a good day?



man! my stomache hurts so bad!



then he got off the phone. my brother explained to me that his son had gotten into the fridge earlier and had eaten and entire block of cheese. by himself.



no wonder.



i feel bad for the toilet!



so anway, i ran, got some sun, spent a ton of time with my little guy and got some sleep, oh yeah and i read more of the kite runner.



*blissful sigh*


i hope you are all having days like that:)

watch out for tiger mosquitoes!

a few weeks ago i was in charge at work and i carry a designated phone when i am in charge. anyone who needs to get in contact with me from any ddepartment as well as the nurses on my floor can call that number and get me. each room also has a white board and the number is posted there too, should a patient be unable to get help from their nurse. thankfully not too many of them use it. i say this not because i don't want to help them too, but because i already recieve approx. 100-150 calls in a 12 hour shift already.

so anyway, a few weeks ago, while i was in charge i recieved a phone call from a patient in a room at about 3 am. I knew it was a patient because the phone has caller id. the convo went like this....

me: this is jineen, can i help you?

him: um yes, my name is mr. so and so in room ### and i am alittle upset.

me: well what can i do to help you be not upset?

him: i have been here for 3 days and no one will give me a test for the west nile virus.

me: why would you need a test for that?

(meanwhile i am looking through his chart, he is there for the flu.....)

him: i have been asking the doctor and you for the test since i have been here and i don't understand why you just refuse to give it to me.

me: sir, my understanding is that you are here for the flu, and you have been tested for that, and we are waiting for the results. you must be mistaken because this is the first time we have spoken.

him: NO! i have called you many times tonight and you and your african man keep answering the phone. but no one has given me my test. i breed tiger mosquitoes in my back yard and they are KNOWN for carrying west nile virus.

me: well, sir i am not sure about any of that, but you will need to speak with your doctor about that.

him: NO! i am not waiting anymore for this test. i have young children at home and there is a good chance that they have west nile virus too!

me: sir, i will not call the doctor at 3 in the morning to request this test. you can talk with him about it in the morning. i am very sorry that you haven't had it done yet, if that's what you think you need, but there isn't anything i am going to do about it now.

him: that's fine. i will talk to my doctor in the morning.

me: ok sir. try and get some rest.

he hung up.

remember this you will need it later......

so we cleaned out the shed this morning. we have no garage, attic or basement and so the shed is our storage. over the 8 years we have lived here, we have always put stuff in and never taken anything out. i have been dreading cleaning it out, but knowing we plan to move next spring, i knew it should happen sooner rather than later. Hubby was up for it and so we began.

it was a mess in there, so many htings covered in acorn shells, insulation everywhere! and all the crap!

so we took it all out......

stuff was EVERYWHERE! so we made some piles.......

the stuff to keep and go back in ..........


the stuff to sell/giveaway....

and......the trash.....

not the benches, but everything else.

don't judge me, i've been busy these last eight years......

so though i was sure it would take days, it didn't. 3 hours later the shed looked like this...

and though the inside needs some refurbishing of some of the wood, i figure that can wait until next week, for now.....it looked like this when we were done:)

yup it went from this...... ...............to this

i am so happy because now we can get some of the stuff that we do wanna keep but no longer have room for out of our house and into the shed, into tubs and containers, labeled and organized of course because i am never going back to the pack rat stage.....

i am sure though that there were many tiger mosquitoes in that shed, adre i say they were bredding in there? and before i could get the bug spray i was bitten over 10 times....

guess i really am sweet like sugar:)

i also learned from hubby (he used to work construction) that on any given morning at a job site, men could be found opening up their pants and dumping baby powder down their pants to keep their balls dry. nice.

and dom asked one very interesting question..

why are they called screw drivers?...... they don't drive!

so it was a good day, and once we had all the cobwebs and squirrel nests cleaned off of us, we were happy:) except now we need that west nile virus test.....

this weekend i made myself a humble pie and ate it...

......the whole thing.

I needed to.

wnat to know why? of course you do. you all care like that. or you want to be nosy. that's ok, i love being nosy. a few commenters let me know they like peeking into the life of someone else...well me too. and i like having you look in my windows.....

anyway.....

while i shared on my last post that i am having trouble sometimes coming up with something to say, most of you found it amusing. my husband on the other hand did not.

he was very upset that i included something he considered embarrassing and intrusive regarding him. we fought about it. at length.

so i would like to set the record straight for his sake. he is a wonderful husband, not insensitive most of the time and when he is i am sure he doesn't mean it. while i thought it was comical that he had some bad timing regarding our bedroom romps.....he felt embarrassed that i shared it.

at first i over reacted. i have asked him multiple times not to read my blog. it is my personal journal. not for him. i still have that request though i realize now if he chooses to read it there is nothing i can do. then i yelled at him that i would never blog again. you all can see how well that worked out since it hasn't even been 3 days and here i am.

so i have thought what i could do to rectify it. i do not wish to be censored on something that i often consider to be my therapy.. my way to get out the stuff i can't say in real life and have you, my bloggy friends understand and accept me anyway. and so i will continue to not censor myself here.

but i will not post anything about my husband that i think he will consider embarrassing. i do feel that it is not fair, and alittle bit of censorship, but for the sake of not fighting, i will do it. i never meant ot hurt his feelings with something that i thought, and still do, think is funny. but he means a lot to me and so i will submit to his wish of not being included on here.

there......

now that is out of the way, we can get down to the regular stuff!

i won a contest on my bloggy friends site! Sarah was giving away a soy candle and i won! soy candles are fabulous and the compnay that she is getting it from is called terra luna and i am thinking with her permission, perhaps i will give one away as well...of course after i thoroughly enjoy mine. and after i get out my other giveaway stuff, which i have collected in my room and is still sitting there. because i never procrastinate.

today is my first full day off after the weekend, and our plan is to clean out the shed. we don't have a garage, so our shed has held all of our junk over the past 8 years that we have lived here and it is filled to the tippy top with crap. oh yeah and squirrel's nests. in the infinite wisdom that comes along with being 19, we didn't pack our stuff into containers but rather cardboard boxes. and they have held up so well over the years. as squirrel's nests.

i am hoping the sun will shine all day so i can work on my tan before we go on vacation in august.
keep your fingers crossed for me, would ya? tan skin is very important to me.

i started reading the kite runner today. it was lent to me by a friend, whom we have recently discovered our love for reading. i wish i was one of those awesome people who had like a book club, or circle or whatever you call it because i love reading books, especially if it is recommended to me. i really like memoirs and stephen king. i know a weird mix....but i am open to a lot. the only kind i really don't care for are romance novels. just can't get into them. love sotries are fine, but you know what i mean, the ones that include "he took his strong, thick weather beaten hands and plced them on the small of her back. as he guided himself into her..."
you know that kind.

is anyone interested? i don't really know how we might do it, i figure something like once a month we agree on a book and then read it. then we write a post on our fancy schmancy book blog where each of us gives our thoughts and either recommend it or don't. let me know. email me: lizlovey@hotmail.com.

my little rocker is running around enjoying his summer, he is loving the sun and playing all he wants. and of course being canadian, eh?

so with that ladies, i will wish you a happy monday and i am off to clean the shed!